With word on the street flying that Javier Bardem is the choice to play Roland in Ron Howard's gigantor Dark Tower series, I'd just like to offer a bit of my own fantasy casting for the series. In fact, these are the faces I saw in my head, when I read the books:
Roland of Gilead: Bubba Smith
Eddie Dean: Steve Guttenberg
Susannah Dean: Leslie Easterbrook
Jake Chambers: Emmanuel Lewis
Oy of Mid World: Bobcat Goldthwait
Walter O'Dim/Marten/Flagg: Michael Winslow
Father Callahan: Gallagher
Alice: Amy Madigan
Brown: Sam Elliott
Zoltan: Jack Black
Young Roland: Bubba Smith, mustache shaved
Cuthbert Allgood: Brad Garrett
Alain Johns: Randy Travis
Cort: Randy "Macho Man" Savage
Stephen Deschain: Alan Alda
The Demon in the Speaking Circle: Martin Lawrence, in Big Mama gear
Enrico Balazar: Robert Davi
Jack Andolini: Jet Li
Jack Mort: Carrot Top
Shardik: George Wendt
Aunt Talitha: Phyllis Diller
Tick Tock: Kenan Thompson
Blaine the Monorail: Voiced by Larry David
Susan Delgado: Marion Ramsey
Cordelia Delgado: Terry Jones, in drag
Rhea of the Coos: Margaret Cho
Eldred Jonas: Sarah Silverman
Roy DePape: Tom Hanks
Clay Reynolds: Peter Scolari
Sheemie: Matthew McConaughey
Who plays the townspeople of Calla Bryn Sturgis are inconsequential to me, but I want all the Roont children played by Shaquille O'Neal.
Mia: Roseanne Barr
Ted Braughtigan: Anthony Hopkins
Dinky Earnshaw: Lou Ferrigno
Mordred Deschain: Louis Gossett, Jr.
Dandelo: Cedric the Entertainer
Patrick Danville: Tom Welling
I will so make the drive to you to see this movie with you, and we can eat at Eric's! What say you?
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