Friday, October 13, 2023


 "That is why it breaks my heart, that game--not because in New York they could win because Boston lost; in that, there is a rough justice, and a reminder to the Yankees of how slight and fragile are the circumstances that exalt one group of human beings over another. It breaks my heart because it was meant to, because it was meant to foster in me again the illusion that there was something abiding, some pattern and some impulse that could come together to make a reality that would resist the corrosion; and because, after it had fostered again that most hungered-for illusion, the game was meant to stop, and betray precisely what it promised.

Of course, there are those who learn after the first few times. They grow out of sports. And there are others who were born with the wisdom to know that nothing lasts. These are the truly tough among us, the ones who can live without illusion, or without even the hope of illusion. I am not that grown-up or up-to-date. I am a simpler creature, tied to more primitive patterns and cycles. I need to think something lasts forever, and it might as well be that state of being that is a game; it might as well be that, in a green field, in the sun."

From A Great and Glorious Game: Baseball Writings of A. Bartlett
Giamatti, © 1998 by A. Bartlett Giamatti.

I am a Cubs fan,  but my parents' Braves Fandom left me a well-wisher, if only by proximity.   It was with a heavy heart that I looked at the score this morning....I could only make it to the sixth last night,  and I had a bad feeling about that.....

Saturday, October 07, 2023


 I don't think anybody regularly checks this thing anymore.   I don't. 

Just sorting thoughts, really. 

To update,  for those curious:  about 9 months ago,  I got fired.   I was said to have made violent statements about an associate.   Specifically that I was going to put them against a wall and shoot them.   It was a lie,  but it was corroborated by another associate.   And after nearly 20 years of working like an idiot,  I was fired. 

I talked to a couple attorneys.  Three, actually.  Two didn't want the case and the third wanted a retainer I couldn't afford.   Basically,  Tennessee is a Right to Work state,  and you can get fired for any reason. 

I started working with my wife's family the next week.   I like my job.   The schedule is better.   The general quality of co workers is better.   My stress level is a lot lower. 

The pay is the only downside.   It's a significant cut in pay.   

I didn't realize it,  but I really enjoyed taking Shyam places.   And right now,  I can't afford it.   

It's all good...I mean,  we aren't wanting for anything.   Our house and vehicles are paid for.   Outside of a little debt for my medical issue last summer,  we're good. 

But little things like a trip to Disney or to see a couple baseball games are on the back burner for a while.   And to be honest,  I'm down about that.   

I'd made tentative plans to go find something part time,  to make a little extra money.   Try to afford a trip some place.   Pay that medical bill. 

Then, about a month ago,  mom had a stroke.   It could have been much worse than it was.   Cognitively she's still all there.   Her balance is boogered up though.   Needs a walker,  and somebody to drive her if she needs to go someplace.   So,  that's taking some time. 

Things will get better.   Her physical therapist tells us to be patient.   And I'm sure she's right.

Still,  I'm kinda down. 

I wish I weren't.   I feel guilty for feeling this way.