Just ten minutes ago, I got the following phone call. The phone rang three times, and I answered.

Me: Hello?

Phone: Is this Tommy Acuff?

Me: Who's calling?

Phone: Is this Tommy Acuff?

Me: Ummm. Yeah.

Phone: Good. Listen carefully. Do not go to the McDonald's in Smyrna, Tennessee on a Sunday.

Me: A Sunday. Why?

Phone: Just don't. It causes worldwide strife.

Me: Who is this? You sound familiar

Phone: Just call me a friend.

Me: You sound like...me....

Phone: (Speaks in a really high pitched voice) No...uh....I said call me friend.

Me: Okay, friend, just stop talking like that. By the way, I just went into a McDonald's last Sunday. In Smyrna.

Phone: (after a long pause, a little panicky) What year is it?

Me: Goodbye.

Phone: Wait! Seriously! What year is it?

Me: 2003.

Phone: (Not necessarily to me)...I called too late. I screw it all up. Everything I touch turns to shit.

Then the line went dead.