The Friday Five

Halloween Edition's up, and I'm playing along:

1. What was your first Halloween costume?

I wouldn't call it a Halloween costume, so much, but when I was three, I went as The Incredible Hulk. By matter of coincidence, my father kept a gamma bomb in the workshed, right next to the lawnmower. I'd gone in Halloween afternoon to get the hatchet I used to chop things up with, and in the midst of saving Rick Jones, the bomb went off, and I got all irradiated and shit. Green skin, impressive strength. "Hulk Smash!" and all that jazz. BSTommy is the strongest one there is!

We decided that it was a natural to go as the Hulk. We saved the Sylvester the Cat costume until the next year.

2. What was your best costume and why?

When I was in the third grade, I went as Andre the Giant. It was great, because I fooled so many people, even Vince McMahon, and I ended up wrestling Hulk Hogan for the World Title at Wrestlemania III, because the real Andre died saving the world from the Devil.

3. Did you ever play a trick on someone who didn't give you a treat?

No. No tricks. We went TP rolling a couple of times, but never on Halloween.

But here's a funny story:

One time, My friends and I dressed as the California Raisins, me, Tregg and Lindsey. But everybody knows there were four California Raisins, and we needed a fourth for our quarter to go trick or treating, otherwise we would be laughed at and thought to be ridiculous.

Kenny was supposed to be our fourth (he was the one with the saxophone). But when it came time to meet up to go pillaging for candy, Kenny didn't show.

We were only three California Raisins. Three would look stupid.

And Nobody made us look stupid!

So we went to Kenny's house and knocked. Nobody answered. We yelled. Nobody answered. We threw rocks and footballs. Nobody answered.

All the lights were off and all the doors were locked. We knew that Kenny and his family were just pretending. That they'd put on airs of nobody being home, and now they were sitting in the dark, eating Halloween candy!

We knew we were being stood up.

Nobody, but nobody did that to us!

So we burned the house to the ground. And watched it burn, we in our California Raisin costumes.

Later we found out Kenny's grandfather had passed away, and that he hadn't actually stood us up for trick or treating. He'd just not had time to call us.

4. Do you have any Halloween traditions? (ie: Family pumpkin carving, special dinner before trick or treating, etc.)

Cowering. Usually under the covers. But definitely cowering. Because of all the weird things coming up to the house and asking for candy.

5. Share your favorite scary story...real or legend!

One time, I was sitting in my room at my apartment, reading. My roommate comes in and says: "What's up?"

"Nothin," I say.

Then, he walks up to the box fan I had going, and he farts into it.

the end.