Thursday, March 02, 2006

Third Person Thursday

Third Person Thursday

Tommy's big dumb ass ended up working a double yesterday. He opened the sumbitch up, and he closed her the hell down.

So, his mind's clearly gone. Definitely not up to the point where he can make sound, rational decisions. And surely not up to the task of writing a blog, today.
He's not even sure he can decide what he wants for breakfast. He's got some leftover barbecue, but by damn he remembers he has cantaloupe in the fridge, and he's thinking a bagel and a hunk of cantaloupe might hit the spot right now.

Just know that if his mind were right...well, as right as it ever is...he would give you this piece of advice:

Say No to Spiders building webs and/or nests in your shoes.

Even if it's a little spider. Knock that sumbitch out of your shoe, Tommy says. You don't have to kill it, if you don't feel comfortable with the idea of murder in the name of spider-free shoes. But that free-loading arachnid shouldn't be allowed to live in your shoe.

He'll also say this: if the spider is one of those big scary-looking wolf spiders with the eyes you can see from across the room, the ones that grow as big as the palm of your hand, if they're left to their own devices, you should probably kill it. It wouldn't hurt to scream a battle cry, or some other form of spiritual mantra as you do it. Something that big has got to have a soul, and intelligence enough to fashion some form of defense. And something that scary looking, might just have it in its means to get inside your body, perhaps taking over your consciousness, and at the very least laying its eggs inside your sinus cavities.

But Tommy digresses....

He'll close all this mumbo jumbo with this: Tommy's all for harmony, and living with nature. But he believes that you have to draw the line somewhere. He can't say for certain where the line is, and he admits that the line is probably different for everybody. But if he knows one thing, it is that unless "spiders building nests in your shoes" falls on the "no fuckin' way" side of the ledger, he's not even sure he wants to know you. He's sure that he would not want to share a house, condominium or apartment with you. Because spiders, once you give them one set of shoes, just want all the shoes, and they don't differentiate between those who are Pro-Spider-in-shoes and Anti-Spider-in-Shoes.


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