The Big Wheel

I would like to go on The Price is Right.

I think that if I were to get a game like the Mountain Climber game, or the Hi-Lo game, I would do well. It's all about guessing logically.

I wouldn't do so well with a game like A Hole in One (or Two), I think. I'm notoriously bad at putting games.

Plinko might be fun, but I don't know that I like the random nature of the game. I mean, with A Hole in One (or Two), at least I'd know that I was the one who messed things up, and not some variation in the degree of placement of the pegs the Plinko chips bounce off of. I guess I'm saying I'd rather blame myself than have nothing else to blame than chaos.

But the Big Wheel is really what I'd like to play. Especially if I'd already won something. I see that wheel, and I see these little old ladies get up there barely able to spin that drum all the way around. It gets me riled.

I want to get up there and spin the shit out of that wheel.

I don't want to hear "boops" as the wheel passes each peg. I want to hear a single, solid tone, as one boop melds into the next.

And then there's the guy who was trying to finesse the wheel. He was trying to get the wheel to go around 1 and 1 quarter turns....so that he could get a dollar. What did that get him? The crowd booed him!

Serves him right.

Hell yeah.

When you get to that wheel, it's time to cowboy up and spin that wheel as hard as is humanly possible. Give yourself a hernia you spin that wheel so hard! I mean, they aren't going to talk about it if you get $1,000.

They're going to talk about it if you rip the wheel off its moorings you spin that sumbitch so hard.

Make yourself famous. Spin the wheel!

But no Plinko.