27

27 years ago today, a dark and stormy Sunday, my mother had to go to the fetus frightening room to get me scared from her stomach. They even had the Machine That Goes "Ping." Michael Palin kicks ass.

Whenever I ask about the event, I get only a nervous coughing. She says "I don't want to talk about it," and I get an icy, hard stare for the rest of the day.