Surgery

My Dad's going under the knife this morning. A while back, he was changing a lightbulb in the basement of my parents' home, and there was a sudden gravitational attack, which resulted in a fall from the chair he was standing on, and a torn ACL.

Yeah. It's all fun and games until somebody blows a knee.

He's going up to Knoxville. As I write, actually. He's getting everything done this morning.

I spoke to him yesterday. He got a call from the doctor's office yesterday to confirm everything--insurance, times, everything like that, including which knee was getting the work done.

Dad's getting the right knee worked on. The nurse, during the conversation, kept saying his left knee would be getting the operation.

Each time the nurse said this, Dad would correct her. Making sure to say "No, the other knee" just so that the nurse wouldn't think he was confirming the left knee as correct by saying "right knee."

And this little rondo went on.

To the point of Dad wanting to write in Sharpie marker on each of his knees which was the one needing the surgery and which wasn't.

So, I'll keep you updated on whether a hospital in Knoxville is getting renamed Big Stupid Tommy's Dad's Great Big Ol Very Own Hospital.

Did you know that they replace ACLs with the ACL from a cadaver? I think I've talked about this before. That means a small part of his body will be zombi-fied.

I just hope my natural anti-zombie instincts don't take over the next time I see my Dad. Because zombies are my sworn enemy, and I must destroy them all.

I'm pretty good at my job. Have you seen any zombies around? Not around my house, anyway.

Dad doesn't get to pick the cadaver his knee ligament comes from. I think that's kind of unfair. Not that I'd know how to pick a new knee ligament. It's not like you can thump it near the stem to see if it's ripe.

I mean, what if you take the ACL from a guy who was really evil? And his essence is trapped in the dead body's ACL? And when it gets put into my father's body, it starts taking over my father, kind of like how the Vigo wanted to take over Dana Barrett's baby in Ghostbusters 2.

We don't have enough slime at my folks' house to stop my father.

Come to think of it, I'm not all that great at picking ripe melons at the produce stand, either. So maybe it's for the best that the doctors get to pick the new/old ACL's. It's sometimes best to leave things to the professionals.

But it is important to keep track of the little things. Like the difference between left and right.