Go Home From Work Early

Go Home From Work Early

Okay. Chris had something interesting on his site.

Go look at it. This post won't make sense without it, but I'm not gonna post the picture here, because it'll mess with your mind. But more importantly, it'll mess with my mind, and I'm balanced precariously on a stack of dimes as it is.

But, I bring this to you as a service.

See, on Wednesday, I don't think you need to work the whole day. Screw work. Working's for suckers.

Here's what you do.

Put that picture on your computer, maximizing the window so that the screen is nothing but a wavy field of footballs.

Then, you need to allow yourself to fall into the sea of footballs. Become mesmerized. So that you're completely non-communicative. Just stare. Stare, and stare. Don't respond when somebody asks something of you. You might mumble something about "drowning in footballs," but don't respond specifically to them.

You might get shaken out of your delirium. Forced to work. But don't allow yourself to get taken away unless somebody physically removes your eyes from the screen. When that happens, scream "No!!!!!" But thank them when you regain your composure.

But after a few minutes, go back to the wavy picture of footballs. And keep going back. Don't accomplish anything. Don't do anything, except stare at the wavy field of footballs.

After a while, just slump over at your desk. Drool, if you can. When somebody comes and checks on you, just say that you aren't feeling well. Vomit, if you can. They'll send you home.

Don't fake a seizure, though, because they'll likely call EMS for you. Paramedics get pissed when you fake stuff. The only thing stronger than a faked out paramedic is a leprechaun whose just eaten a spoonful of Crystal Meth.

Although....If you can have a real seizure...well, have at it chief. Ride that bad boy all the way into shore. But if you're going to have one, you'd probably go whole hog, and go Grand Mal. Because a lot of your co-workers are too stupid to figure it out unless somebody's on the floor convulsing.

You know they're too stupid, too. Look at that one guy, with the shirt. And that girl who farts but is too good looking to have anybody blame it on her. Yeah. You don't want to spend the day with them, anyway. Go see a movie. Or don't.

So. To Review:

1. Steal Underpants
2. ?????
3. Profit

This has been a public service, from your pal, Tommy.