Chapter MMMCCCXXIV: In which there is a real pain in the neck

Chapter MMMCCCXXIV: In which there is a real pain in the neck

Right now, my favorite show on the television would probably be 30 Rock. Lost and Battlestar Galactica are still appointment television, but for the satisfied smile I take away after each goofy ass trip, I gotta take 30 Rock.

This week's episode, which you can watch here, with Tracy Jordan causing a financial panic after an appearance on Larry King's show, contained a reference from the year 1987 that amused me only in that way that something coming to mind after an extended absence can.



Yeah. Avoid the Noid. That's been running around my head for a couple days now.

Well, I realized when I was laughing at that particular joke, that half the people I work with are younger than that particular ad campaign.

There's a kid at work. He's 16, 17 years old. He's taller than me. And you have to understand, if you have not met me, I'm wandering around in the 6'3", 6'4" range (6'7" if I'm wearing my KISS boots)...

Because I am basically unable to contend or interact with people on any meaningful level outside of badgering them about things, such as the height they have no control over, I was again giving this kid a hard time about being so tall. I referred to him using terms something along the lines of "Cleveland, Tennessee's version of Manute Bol."

In reply, I recieved a blank stare.

"You have no idea, do you?"

I gave him homework, told him to go search Manute Bol and "SNL" on Youtube.

Inspiration hit me then.

"Let me ask you something," I said. "Do you know what I mean when I use the phrase 'Avoid the Noid?'"

He looked at me like I'd suggested he carry me around on his back for the rest of the day.

So, he's got homework.

Yeah. The generational gap is widening.

That, or I'm getting older.

Judging by the fact that I am unable to sleep without hurting myself, I'm starting to think the latter is indeed the truer of the two.

Let me say this: My entire life, I've slept on my side. Left side, right side. Doesn't matter. Just one of those fetal position sleepers.

But over the past couple of months, I've found myself waking up having slept on my back. It's just the position I fall into as I'm sleeping, I guess.

This was true this morning, on this night where I slept 3 hours between work shifts. I remember going to sleep on my right side, as that way faces my alarm clock. I awoke with the alarm at 5:20 this morning, on my back.

But more than that, my pillow had somehow wandered down my back, lifting my shoulders up just enough for my head to fall enough backward that when I awoke, disoriented and a little angry about the slumber's interruption, I found myself staring almost upside down at the wall behind my headboard.

Now and again, my arm will fall flat against the elbow off the side of the bed. Lifting that arm will be a brief exercise in agony.

Well, now I had almost the same thing with the vertebrae in my neck.

Have you met me, by the way? Helluva dude, carrying around a size 8 1/8 head on a stack of dimes men call a neck.

So, I dunno. i can't think of the words to describe how my neck feels, though it falls along the same trail as "Quentin Rampage Jackson using the back of my neck as a training dummy." Wandering around today, doing everything I can not to respond to what the world calls "external stimulus," so as not to turn my head, nod, duck or otherwise do anything that would cause me to start weeping in front of employees and customers.

Did alright, I guess. Had a pretty good role model: my Dad's not been responding to external stimuli for years, now. I figure it'll be alright in the long run....