Saturday, December 07, 2002

Every town has its own set of injury lawyers. Nashville's is Bart Durham. He says: "We don't ask for justice; We Demand It!"

He had one great commercial chronicling his family's involvement in the legal field. It starts with Bart's father, and the commerical apparently takes place in the 1870's, for all the hoop skirts in the pit in the courtroom. Then, it moves on to young Bart, in the past. We know it's the past because everything Bart's doing is in black and white. Also, his hair is jet black. And he has sideburns down to his neck. But his face is still all wrinkly. And then we have modern Bart, and his son who's just entered the legal field.

It's heartwarming.

Bart's got other commercials more typical to the injury-lawyer field.

There's one, where a lady on a walker is scooting up to the grave of her husband. Now, I'm stupid, so I wasn't quite able to get the whole gist of what happened, but I gathered that a drunk motorcyclist drove in front of them, and as a result, her husband died. In the voiceover, the lady talks about Bart Durham getting her the millions of dollars she deserves.

I'm not going to rant about the whole thing, but the lady does NOT deserve millions of dollars.

That's the problem with this country. Everybody feels they're entitled to some kind of money somewhere.

Here's what I'd like. Say I'm an old woman, and my husband and I are driving, and a drunk motorcyclist drives in front of us, and my husband dies.

I think the drunk motorcyclist should then have to take my husband's place. He should provide for me. He should care for me. He should take care of me in every way. Do the yard work, pay the bills....everything.....including sex.

If nothing else, you could nag him to death.

Or possibly, you could be allowed to harass the motorcyclist literally to the point of insanity, and he would have no legal recourse. And you would be allowed to do so for a period of time equal to the amount of time left in your spouse's natural life span.

Say your spouse died at age 38. Life expectancy is up to what? 76 now? So for 38 years, the widow would be allowed to torment her husband's killer. And the husband's killer would have absolutely no legal recourse.

If your spouse was over the life expectancy, then set a statute of limitations. Four years?

Just think. You could call them at 3:45 in the morning and say "Know what? You killed my husband."

You could cause them to get fired. Visit them at work all the time.

But nothing that would cause them harm. I think that's got to be the rule. Nothing like loosening the lugnuts on their car or poisoning the food they're going to eat. Because then you'd be subjecting yourself to the nagging of their family.

It would be like a Wookiee life debt. Only in reverse.


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