My impressions of the WB's The Surreal Life:

I really think Corey Feldman and Gabrielle Carteris are made for each other. They just don't know it.

Also, Corey Feldman must die. I've dispatched my assassins.

Webster's own Emmanuel "Manny" Lewis is probably the coolest of the bunch to hang out with.

Hammer's pretty cool, too.

And there's entirely too much crying. First Corey cries because of all the drama with Vince Neil and Gabrielle Carteris. Then Gabrielle cries because she didn't have fun at the strip club with the Playboy Playmate and the Mean Chick from the Outback Survivor. Then, Vince Neil has a religious experience, and everybody except Emmanuel "Manny" Lewis is bawling. Hammer doesn't bawl: he's just teary-eyed. But Emmanuel "Manny" Lewis is steady. He's a cinderblock of cool.