Friday, May 16, 2003

Headbutts all around!

I wish I had a zebra. Maybe a little tiny zebra. About the size of a labrador. That would eat dog food or something similar. I don't think they make Zebra Chow.

I am the true King of Beers.

I don't know how much I've mentioned it. My downstairs neighbors suck ass. The mom's up really early. Like 4:30 and 5. The kid is supposed to be up around 5:30 or 5:45. I know this because the yelling to get up starts at 5:45. Each of the last four mornings it's been a constant fight that starts with "why won't you get up?" and progresses from there. Topics covered this week include the boy's poor scholastic performance, how Mom's cooking sucks and how she's allowed to swear casually but he is not.

I hate when I do stupid things. Like when I make a sandwich to take to work with me, and then leave the mayonnaise out on the counter all day.

I ate oatmeal for supper last night.

Robert Stack passed away the other day. His work on Airplane is stupendous, and he actually scared me a couple of times when I was but a child with his deadpan, hardcase delivery to the questions asked in Unsolved Mysteries, especially when the mysteries were of the paranormal sense. But I'll forever associate him with perhaps the greatest movie 1986 had to offer: He was the voice of Ultra Magnus in Transformers: the Movie. He says "Open, Dammit! Open!" Yep. Curse words.

I've written Marvel Comics probably a dozen times asking when they plan on putting their line of Star Comics from the mid 80's into Essential Trade format. Specifically the titles Foofur, Strawberry Shortcake and Peter Porker: Spider-Ham. I think I'm being ignored.

Bill's new game to annoy me? It started last week and continued this week when we stopped for food on the way to wrestling. To take his sweet time at the order thingamajig after I've ordered, and pause for a long time between each item he's ordered saying "Uuuuhhhh." Accept that he's letting it come out in a creak, just barely using his voice at all. I don't know why, but in that small confined space, it drives me nuts.

I think Labradoodle is the stupidest name we've come up for a breed of dog, yet. I'm going to breed a new dog, and call it a Shithound. Or maybe a Fartweiler. Or maybe Crapdragon.

Can I just say that it did my heart good to see "The Nature Boy" Ric Flair get a clean submission victory over Hurricane Helms last Monday on Raw?

While we're on the subject of stupid names, I want to opportunity to name a race horse. My top five names for a racehorse:

5. Ugly and Stupid
4. Your Giant Mother
3. Twigs and Berries
2. White People Suck
1. Ghost of Robert Stack

We had these barrels at work that were syrup barrels at Pepsi. They smelled like Pepsi. It was heavenly. Until the yellowjackets showed up because they like the smell, too.


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