Does the Name Fit?

I'm changing my eating and exercise habits. I'm trying to not be as big in the future. Bad for the heart, bad for the knees.

Changing the eating habits. Less fat and salt. Though the pizza at Cici's tonight didn't help.

I've been trying to drink more water. It's good for you, and stuff, I hear.

I have a Laura Lynn brand Natural Spring Water bottle that I bought weeks ago, that I've been rinsing out and drinking my water out of. It holds one liter of water, and I'll re-fill it over the course of the day four times, generally. So I'm getting about a gallon of water in a day.

Also, I've been walking more than four miles a day, total. About a mile and a quarter in the morning, where I go buy a newspaper. And then around three miles in the evening. I didn't go last night, because it was about to come a thunderstorm.

But hopefully, before long, the Big in Big Stupid Tommy won't be so Big.

But he'll always be Stupid.

The water bottle sits on the floor next to me. The chair I sit in at the computer is pretty low compared to the table I have the computer sitting on. And it's just more convenient to pick the taller bottle off the floor.

A few minutes ago, I was reading the debate going on between Barry and Uncle over at Inn of the Last Home concerning a child killed in an accidental shooting.

I took a swig of the water out of the bottle, and set the bottle on the floor. Absent mindedly, I put my middle finger into the mouth of the bottle. Eureka! I found that I could pick the bottle up that way by wedging my knuckle in the bottle's lip.

Then, a few minutes later, I refilled my water bottle.

I tried picking the full bottle up using my newfound method. It didn't work as easily. I found that I had to jam my finger further into the bottle to get enough purchase to lift it up from the inside.

Now, you're asking why I didn't just quit my immature little experiment then and there, knowing that the result could be my spilling a liter on the floor (if I'm lucky) or on the computer (which would be my luck, to the letter)? Why didn't I just pick the bottle up like a normal person and drink out of it? Damn! Why can't I just act normal?!?!?

I don't have an answer for you. I'm 26 years old, and sometimes I think I'm not so good at this being a grown up thing.

But nevertheless, I picked up the bottle using just my middle finger wedged in the bottle's mouth.

Well, the extra effort I'd put into forcing my finger in to the bottle to get purchase, combined with the higher level of water in the bottle created a new problem.

I put the water in my lap, only to discover that I now couldn't get my finger out. I'd wedged my middle finger past the second knuckle in the bottle, which, incidentally, is smaller than said knuckle. That, combined with the suction created by the water put me in a precarious position.

It wasn't 12 seconds before I started to wonder if I'd have to go to the hospital to get the finger amputated. I'm a worst-case scenario type of guy.

Folks, I spent more than 5 minutes working to get my middle finger out of a 1 liter plastic bottle.

It's out, now, and my birdie finger is fine. I had to stand over the sink, twisting my finger clockwise and counterclockwise as much as possible. I couldn't pull. I was afraid I'd dislocate my finger or something. So, I'm carefully twisting...my finger was in there so tight, initially, that I couldn't budge it even to twist it.

But I finally got some movement going, and while I'm twisting, I'm squeezing on the bottle just enough to put a little pressure behind my finger so that it would slip out.

And after about five minutes (I missed an entire half-inning of the Cubs/Padres game), the bottle finally came off.

I have a little bit of a bruise around my knuckle.

I was afraid that my roommate would wake up and walk in wondering just what the hell I'm doing.

But then, he's lived with me long enough to know that I make these sorts of decisions.

But don't you tell anyone.

It'll be our little secret.