The 5-Second Rule is a Farce

A study has been done on the validity of the famed 5-Second Rule, a rule by which I have governed my eating habits for nigh on 26 years.

You know what I'm talking about. The Five Second Rule pertains to any situation where you drop food on the floor (accidentally, generally speaking), and if that sits on the floor for five seconds or less, then it's safe to eat, assuming you're able to pick it up in time.

Like I said, this is a governing practice in my life.

But now I find that some scientist has decided that food can be contaminated by "Germs" in less than five seconds.

What a bunch of crap. Who the hell has that kind of money, not to eat food just because it's fallen on the floor? If I threw away every piece of food that fell onto the floor in my apartment, I'd be throwing away several pounds of perfectly good food a week.

I think George Carlin has a bit on this very subject. His point: You have an immune system. What good's it going to be if you don't test it?

Stupid science.

Actually, I remember in fourth or fifth grade having a particularly long and drawn out discussion/battle over the validity of the Five Second Rule, mostly because I thought it was pretty gross when one of the other kids dropped an M & M in the boy's bathroom, and then ate it because it hadn't been on the floor for five seconds.

But because I'm versed in the subject, I'm here to help. Here now, are the general rules:

Know what you're eating.

Be aware of your environment.

Implementation:

These are the rules of your home turf:

If the food's dry (i.e. potato chips, M & M's, peanuts, etc.), and it falls onto a dry surface (i.e. linoleum, carpet)--a dry surface of which you know the relative cleanliness....taking into account your own particulars when it comes to cleanliness....if, after examination, you find the dropped particle's clean enough, then eat up!

Water is the enemy. If any part of the transaction involves the surface of anything (food or floor) being wet, then nix the deal, my friend.

First, the floor. If the floor's wet, food might not be your biggest problem. But generally speaking, if your food falls to the floor and comes up wet, just let it go.

Now, if the food itself is wet (chili, soup), even just a little (fruits like apples or bananas)...then it's liable to pick up not only germs, but little things like dirt specks, hair and carpet fibers. You probably don't want to eat that.

These rules are null and void if you're someplace other than your home environment.

I can't stress this enough: If you're eating someplace other than an environment you control, and you drop food onto the ground....apply these rules at your own risk, keeping this in mind: NEVER ASSUME.

Just because your Aunt Hattie keeps the most spic and span house in all of East Tennessee, you don't know she's doing when you're not there. She may vacuum and scrub every day. Or, she may let all the hogs root around on her floor for betting purposes whenever you're not there.

So. Never Assume.

It makes an Ass out of U and Samuel L. Jackson.

These are general guidelines...there are exceptions to every rule. Just remember Dry is Good. Water is the Enemy.

The link, by the way, comes via AlphaPatriot.

Happy Snacking.