Today

Did you ever change pants in the middle of the day? And in doing so, did you forget to transfer the contents of your pockets from the first pair to the second pair of pants?

And then later, you put your hand into your pocket, to get your billfold out, and you have that moment of terror where your billfold isn't where it should be?

That's a good metaphor for how today's been.

Or is it?

I'm not impressed with drivers from Illinois today. Are any of my sevens of readers from Illinois? I know I've got a few Cubs fans who come here. Can they explain this to me? The two types of Illinois drivers I'm seeing are either cruising along at 12 mph in the passing lane, or they're riding on your bumper....no...they're riding up in your butthole in the right hand lane.

Are the lanes reversed in Illinois?

And that tan Dodge pickup? You're why I hate people on cellphones. I know your conversation is important, but not important enough to sit at a green light for nearly the whole cycle when I've absolutely got to find the bathroom. And that stuff where you waited an extra couple of seconds so you could go through the light and I'd miss it? That was just petty.

I was nearing an explosive scatalogical incident, known around Casa de Big Stupid Tommy as "the Blowout."

And screw Comcast, too! What's this shit where they change where the channels are on the TV? I'm trying to watch "the Joe Schmo Show," and Spike TV is suddenly not on channel 31 anymore! Also, the channel up button on my remote doesn't work very well.

And is anybody else watching Joe Schmo? Can it be for real? I mean, wouldn't and couldn't the guy (Matt), who is the butt of a fake reality TV joke, end up suing the hell out of the producers? Especially in our litigious society?

Yeah.

On the upside, found Big League Chew at Big Lots. There's nothing that says "I'm not grownup yet" by chewing a wad of gum that's way too big for your mouth.