My own Friday Five

Answering the questions from a couple of posts down.

1. Which would you rather have? Three extra fingers on each hand, or an extra nose right above the one you have? What if there were magical powers bestowed upon each trait?

What kind of retarded-assed question is that? Why don't you just ask whether I'd like 17 normal sized testicles or one the size of a volleyball? Do I want extra fingers....get the hell out of here. And superpowers? What's up with that?

I'll just say that I'd guess it would depend on the superpower, wouldn't it?

Do I get to choose the superpower, in exchange for the deformity?

If you give me the extra fingers, I'll take a healing factor, like Wolverine's.

2. What was something that you worried about, but told yourself to stop worrying, because it was silly, and then have had that thing come true? Was it silly?

Nope. Never happened. This is also a stupid question, and I won't do you the dignity of answering this one. There's a reason professionals do the Friday Five.

And can I just add that generally, the Friday Five has a theme? There is no theme here.

3. Who would be the absolute worst celebrity to have to share an apartment with?

It's a tossup between Mike Myers and Robin Williams. Just the constant "center of attention love me love me please" free association-fest would drive me crazy in a week.

4. What is the funniest moment on television that you've ever seen?

It was on a blooper show, and one of the bloopers was from an old Christmas special from the late 50's, early 60's. It's black and white. And "Tennessee" Ernie Ford is singing a spiritual type song around the Christmas tree with a bunch of children gathered round.

And the announcers explain that the child sitting next to Ernie was his real son.

The song starts out slow and sweet. Then, when it gets to the chorus, it get's all jazzy. Think "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot," only about the Birth of Christ.

Well, any time the song hits the jazzy chorus, Ernie's son just starts bopping his head and snapping his fingers. Except it's in the spastic motions accomplished only by 7-year-old in an enclosed space. And it's great in part because you can see how funny Ernie thinks this all is, but he's not letting himself laugh about it.

But the best part is his son when the song is sweet and slow. You can just see the anticipation on the kid's face, how he's waiting....he's just waiting for that jazzy part so he can dance along with it.

Hilarity.

5. Do you know personally anybody named Vance?

Yep. Went to grade school and high school with a Vance. I wonder what he's up to nowadays.