Today in Fashion

Today, Big Stupid Tommy's ensemble was chosen by the wearer, most likely in the dark.

The shoes are from New Balance, and they are size 14EEEE. They are well worn. Brown, with dark brown laces, they are worn for their comfort, their ability to repel water yet not smell up too badly on the inside, and because the wearer doesn't like stepping on shards of glass, bugs or poop in his bare feet. And also because they were the closest thing to hand (or foot, as it were) when he put shoes on this morning after changing clothes after work.

The socks are of an athletic make. Tommy wore them because he was feeling ironic this morning. Both are cut to mid-calf length, though neither is pulled up that high on his leg...they hover restfully above the ankle. The one of the left foot is from the fine folks at Hanes, who were so kind to make a sock to fit those with larger feet. It is white, with grey toes and heels. "Hanes" is written in red thread near the toe. The sock on the right foot is from an unknown manufacturer. It is all white. Tommy made the bold decision to wear the socks from different makers as a show of sock diversity and sock solidarity, and because he needs to do laundry, and these were the last two socks in the sock drawer.

The shorts are denim. We do not know the label because it is located right above Tommy's ass, and he's not willing to look just for the sake of a blog post. The shorts are comfortable, have five pockets, and are being worn because The Man makes him wear long pants at work, and nobody can tell him what to wear in his own house. Besides, it's 60 degrees outside. He's alright.

The T-Shirt is black, and has the words "Can't Sleep, Clowns Will Eat Me" printed on the front in a downward pointing triangle, each line of text smaller than the one above it. Tommy might have bought the T-Shirt at a comic book show...perhaps Dragon Con. He likes this shirt very much, as it sums up his life's torment. It was also clean, which pleases the wearer, and those around the wearer, very much.

The outer shirt is from wonderful folks at Eddie Bauer. And it is green. Described by the wearer as "some kind of forest green, Holmes." It is long sleeved, and it has a collar. Tommy wore it unbuttoned. Tommy also wore it because it too was relatively clean and comfortable. And also because it covers up the mysterious tattoo which appeared on his arm earlier this week, of Calvin peeing on the the number "24." We still haven't completely deciphered its meaning, though it seems to excite the folks at Cracker Barrel enough that he decided to cover his forearms for the duration of his meal.

He did not tuck any of that jazz into his shorts. Because preppy dork isn't the look he's going for. He prefers Aloof Slob.

He also wore eyeglasses. With lenses grinded specifically for his eyes eyes, he wears them over his eyes, on top of his nose and hooked behind his ears because he prefers to be able to tell the difference, while driving, among "other cars" "traffic signals" and "large department stores."

Atop his head sat a baseball cap. Size 8, from the 5950 line of New Era baseball caps. Almost nearly entirely blue, it is adorned with a Red "C" on its front. We understand that wearing this cap denotes his preference for a certain team which plays on the North Side of a town called "Chicago."

(This is the part where I walk pointedly down the runway, turn one way, the other, and walk pointedly to the back....)

This is from our Spring Collection, and it's called "A Vision in Pragmatism."