The Baddest Badass in All the World

The Baddest Badass in All the World

I'm probably the last to see this, but I wanted to comment on it:

I don't know who has the World Badass Championship Belt, but he needs to just hand it over to Daniel M'Mburugu. Seems Mr. M'Mburugu got jumped by a leopard near Mt. Kenya, and he bested it in a wrasslin' match by grabbing the monster's tongue and ripping it from its head.

Peasant farmer Daniel M'Mburugu was tending to his potato and bean crops in a rural area near Mount Kenya when the leopard charged out of the long grass and leapt on him.

M'Mburugu had a machete in one hand but dropped that to thrust his fist down the leopard's mouth. He gradually managed to pull out the animal's tongue, leaving it in its death-throes.

First, I'd like to note that we don't have many peasant farmers in my neck of the woods.

And I'm kinda glad of the fact, because if Mr. M'Mburugu is any indication, they would lay waste to the land.

How big is this guy's strut, now?

You know, if he's got any kind of class, he'd never mention it. Never bring it up. The baddest badass in all the world, and he's even badder because he doesn't have to trumpet the fact that he killed a ferocious jungle beast with his bare friggin' hands. He didn't even need the machete. He used his hands.

However, if it were in my family, I've got a feeling we'd have t-shirts made up. There'd be talk show appearances.

There would be arguments which begin thusly:

The Missus: "Would you take out the trash?"

The Mister (busy watching the Real World/Road World Challenge, lounging in a recliner, wearing "leopard killer" t-shirt which barely covers his ample beer gut): "I don't feel like it."

The Missus: "You haven't done a damn thing around this house, lately! For years, even."

The Mister: "I don't know, I seem to remember ripping that leopard's tongue out."

The Missus: "That was Nine Years Ago."

The Mister: "It's tough work. Gotta rest up, in case they come back for revenge."

The Missus: "Revenge?"

The Mister: "Yeah. Leopards don't take that shit lying down. I mean, I did kill that sumbitch with my bare hands!"

The Missus (rolling the eyes): "Always with the bare hands. How many times can you keep bringing this up?"

The Mister: "How many leopards have you killed with your hands?"

The Missus (with a sigh): "None"

The Mister: "Let me ask you one more thing: How many leopards have you seen since?"

The Missus: None.

The Mister: "That's right. Why do you suppose that is?"

The Missus: "Never mind."

The Mister: "How many?"

The Missus: "I said never mind. I'll take the trash out myself..."

Anyway. I saw this one earlier, and saw it again on Fark.

Tonight, I name Daniel M'Mburugu World Champion Badass.