Thoughts From the Ass End of the Night, volume 91

Thoughts From the Ass End of the Night, volume 91

Not much on my mind, here lately. Mostly, I'm lazy. So very lazy.

Here are the few things worth speaking about.

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Not a whole bunch going on over in my neck of the woods, besides work and sleep.

Working the later shift, I've been sleeping until around 9 or so in the morning, and this morning, I slept even later than that. Jerri, from my job, called to ask something. I was in the middle of a weird dream where I was at a Presidential Press Conference. The phone rang. I answered. Tried to make sense of who was calling.

"Did I wake you up?" Jerri asked.

"Yeah," I said. "It's okay. I need to get up."

I asked what time it was.

"Almost 10," she said in that tone of voice that said only drunkards and welfare people sleep until 10. "You do need to get up."

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I say this:

Either we put these attention deficit kids back on ritalin for the summer, or we make it legal for me to punch and/or kick screaming, hollering, running, climbing, non-parentally controlled kids into unconsciousness. There was one boy in particular, today at the Post Office, that made me want to do my own vasectomy with my pocket knife in the bathroom.

Screaming. Yelling. Wanting to push his sister's stroller through the front window of the post office. His mother (I assume it was his mother) did nothing, instead engaging the woman 2 spaces ahead of her in line in a conversation about somebody else's wedding.

I wish I had a taser. I think that would get a kid's attention.

And even if it didn't, by damn that would be fun.

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I watched my cat eat a snake today. A foot long black snake. Couldn't tell what he was watching stir in the weeds. It was a snake. Just a baby. Doofus (that is the cat's name, and never has there been a name more fitting an animal) killt the snake and ate it. He ate what he could, anyway. Stripped the meat off the bones. He finished, and walked around like he was a badass for the next two hours.

Come to think of it, if I pulled a snake out of the weeds and killed it with my teeth, even if it was a black snake, I think I'd walk around like a badass, too. For a lot longer than a couple of hours, too.

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I really like the movie Stripes, right?

I picked up the extended edition on DVD the other day.

You know how some things get cut simply for time, that might help tell a fuller story? Kinda like the Lord of the Rings extended edition? How it tells a whole story and how it makes watching the theatrical release feel incomplete?

This was nothing like that.

In the extended edition, there's this ponderously long and bad section where Winger and Ziskey (Bill Murray and Harold Ramis, respectively) go AWOL and get wisked aboard a transport plane loaded with Special Forces, who parachute into the jungle. John and Russell (who's tripping on LSD) get captured by rebels, but they manage to escape. There's singing and marijuana involved.

Sounds like it might be funny. It's horrible. Really, really bad. I mean, it's not even bad in that Police Academy Tommy's Gonna Like It kind of way. It's just so different in tone and timbre. It's horrible.

But it makes a lead-in to the whole scene where Sgt. Hulka brings the group together and says that somebody in the group has gone AWOL, and Winger fakes Ziskey into stepping forward. If you've ever wondered (and sadly, I had), that's what Hulka's talking about.

So. When directors (or others) make choices to cut certain scenes out of movies, sometimes it's the right decision.