Saturday, April 29, 2006

A shitty Graduation Ceremony....

A Shitty Graduation Ceremony

Can you imagine sitting through a graduation ceremony where you have 75 valedictorians? Jeebus. I won't get off on a rant about how we reward people a little too much in this society, and it's why we have the number of whiners and malcontents that we do. Mostly, I'm concerned that even if you let them speak for a minute apiece, counting times it takes between speakers, you've got an hour and a half of speaking time. That's on top of the time you gotta spend with the processional, the National Anthem, the Alma Mater, the keynote address by the principal/superintendant/local celebrity/Bill Cosby, the presentation of diplomas/certificates of attendance and the recessional.

That's a long friggin' time to sit in a hot gym missing Saturday morning cartoons.

I don't remember much about my high school graduation. It was 11 years ago, thereabouts, so I've slept a couple times since. I do remember that I wore a black gown make mostly of polyester, a silly hat, and I lost 15 pounds of water in the course of the ceremony because of all the sweating.

Also, the rest of the chorus and I sang selections from "the Lion King."

We had multiple valedictorians at my high school graduation. Five? Seven? Something like that. We didn't have weighted grading systems, and we'd only had AP classes a couple of years when I graduated.

I was sitting somewhere in the 3.5 or 3.6 range of people. My reward for giving as little a shit as possible. I did well in school. I could have done better. I took the advanced classes, and the AP courses available. Truth be told, I just wasn't that big on doing that little extra I would have had to have given to have a 4.0.

So, I didn't have to give a speech. Which is probably good, because then, like now, I was concerned mostly with Cubs baseball, pro wrasslin' and whatever the Hell I ate to make me so gassy. I wouldn't have had much inspirational to say.

But I might have shown my human beatbox skills. I think that might have been a perfect forum. If there is a shame in the whole deal, I think it's that.


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