In which I haven't posted for a week

In which I haven't posted for a week...

No posting for a week? Hmmm. I'll now use this time to enumerate those things that have kept me away from the interweb:

1. Comcast's "service," and lack thereof.

2. A trip to Nashville, Murfreesboro and all points in between.

3. I actually wrote, in parts of my time off last week, and made a conscious decision not to sit in front of the computer screen and not produce anything.

4. I ate some of Good Ol' J.R.'s hottest variety of beef jerky "Slobberknocker Heat." I was so surprised by just how friggin' hot this beef jerky is that my head jerked back and hit the bookshelf that sat directly behind my chair. The impact caused several books to fall from the highest shelf, including the unabridged dictionary I use to solve arguments and crush rodents. The impact was tremendous, and I fell. In the process, I grabbed the bookshelf for balance. The bookshelf, all nine feet of it, teetered and toppled on top of yours, truly.

I laid there for three days, my head wedged between the third shelf and a copy of Joseph Heller's Catch-22, all the while appreciating the poetic justice of my jerking reaction to a product called "jerky." On that third day, the neighbors finally heard my cries for help when I switched my tact from screams of "Oh My God I Gotta Pee!" (which was true), to "Oh My God I Peed Myself!" to the more traditional "Help. Please Help!"

The firemen came and freed me, and gave me a lecture about safety in the home. Then they asked stupid, prying questions like "Was the only thing keeping you from pushing the shelf off of you the fact that you refused to let go your grip on the beef jerky?" I tried to explain that my jerky might have spilled and sat on the floor for longer than the five-second rule would allow. I screamed that "Beef Jerky is Expensive!"

They took my beef jerky, for safety reasons, they said, but I think it was mostly because I decided to punctuate each shout that "Beef Jerky is Expensive" by smacking the firefighter in the face with the bag.

I just hope there's somebody to pull the bookshelves off the firefighters, because I know that they're just sitting there in their palatial firehouses, eating my Slobber Knockeringly hot beef jerky.

The beef jerky is just that friggin' hot.

So. No posting.

I'm on vacation this week. I'm heading to Detroit later in the week, but there should be some posting in between.

Gracias,

El Pollo Diablo.