Wednesday, August 29, 2007

If I had a million dollars....

If I had a million dollars...

Tish tagged me a couple days ago. Been mulling it over.

The first thing that I ran in to was the Dr. Evil problem...

A million dollars, while being more money that I'll scrape together any time soon, isn't that big a chunk of change. You can go grandiose, but only so. I mean, you can't buy your own baseball team and call them the Riceville Big Stupid Tommies. You can't create an orbiting space laser platform. You can't even pay to have all the living members of the cast of Head of Class walk around you and talk about how great it was when we were all in high school together (believe me-I've checked, Dan Frischman's rates are astronomical).

So, I'm thinking it's all about how you live, and finding small things to accentuate your life. Here are a few things I like to think I could pick up:

1.) My very own high powered tennis ball cannon, as seen on American Gladiators. I like to think that I could create a rig that would mount in the bed of my pickup truck. With it, I would dispense justice and/or amusement.

2.) I'm thinking I could pretty neatly build a few secret passages in my home, with a million dollars. I think it's a generational thing, but most folks my age can recall a certain episode of Webster involving secret passages, and use that episode as citation for their reason for wanting a house with secret passages.

3.) Four words: Joe Thomas=Prank Monkey

4.) How much does it cost to have Elton John write a song about you? Do you have to die? If that's the caveat, then never mind.

5.) I think that for a million dollars, I could acquire and pay for the training of an Attack Monkey. This has long been a concern of mine, having a henchman (henchmonkey) to obtain justice for transgressions against me in this world. I feel like the world would be a little more fun to live in, if I could have a monkey on my shoulder that I might send to attack people, if they wronged me.

6.) Maybe the class from Head of the Class without Dan Frischman. On a trial basis. I mean, my gut says it just wouldn't be fun without Arvid.

7.) What is the yearly salary on a harem girl? And is it really a harem girl if you have just one? Seems like you need multiple for a harem.


Actually, here's the honest answer.

If somebody were to magically drop a million dollars into my lap, tax free....

I wouldn't be working where I do. I like parts of my job, but it just takes so much time. My goal in in real life is to scale back, when I get a bit saved up, so I can go back to school full time. But were somebody to drop a million bucks in my lap, I wouldn't fool with my workplace anymore.

I'd take some time off to write. I really would like to see what I could do if I had six weeks, or three months, or a few days in a row, where I did nothing but write. I have a feeling I could do something really cool. I'm trying to make time to do it.

I've always wanted to road trip to see a game at all 30 Major League Stadiums. A few weeks ago, I did a quick jaunt from here to St. Louis, from there to Cincinnati and back. Just to see what it costs, over a couple of days. I'd like to try to do this in the next couple of years. Before I get all married or covered up with childrens. With a million dollars, I think I could do this, and do it comfortably. Even fly a place or two, if I didn't want to have to drive all the heck up to Seattle....

I think that I could start my own business. Maybe selling buttwhuppins.

I'd help my sister and brother-in-law buy a house. They're saving up for a down payment. I'd help them out.

I'd buy my own house. Complete with Webster-style secret passages.

I'm not bullshitting you about that last part.

Lastly, I'd be able to help out a couple causes I believe in. (Is there a charitable organization for helping dorky internet guys find girlfriends? Because I might need to start one...)

Anyway. That's what I'd do with a million dollars....

What They Do With Their $1 Million

1. SYH will spend for Family

2. Miche will give to the needy

3. Montessorimum will keepsake

4. Lovely Mummy will spend & save

5. MummyInVain will fully utilise

6. Babyfiona will buy house and open business

7. MonkeyWong will go for a long vacation

8. Emila Yusof will realise her dream

9. Mariuca will open a Perfume Gallery

10.Janice Ng will upgrade house and go for long vacation

11.Hin will blog to donate for charity

12.Bobo will invest in property and let her parents go on a holiday.

13. Brad will spend all of his money on foolish gadgets

14. Tish will help needy dogs.

15. Tommy would write, start a business and help his sister buy a house


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