Tuesday, December 04, 2007

The Road Not Taken

The Road Not Taken

It is on days like today, when I'm really just worn out on people, that I question this path in life that I've taken.

I mean, yeah, I'm a media hero, adored by dozens. I have the strength of 1.7 men, can freeze things with a thought and my voice mimics the hypersonic frequencies of the remote controls of your older television sets. I can name both the Presidents of the United States and the WWE Intercontinental Champions in Chronological order (and can tell you the names of the three men who held both titles). My natural scent has been canned, marketed as an afrodisiac, recalled because of the rashes, relabelled and re-marketed as the very best mosquito repellant money can buy. My birthday is a national holiday in seven countries south of the equator. I can outdrink, outcuss and out-Indian-Wrestle any second grader in this great country of ours. I am a man of the people, man about town and man among men.

I really shouldn't let people bother me like I do.

I'm practically a superhero.

But, people wear me out. The ones I don't want to see, I see too much of. And the ones I do want to see, I don't get to. There's an inverse proportion law at work, here. I'm sure Woody Allen's probably written several short stories on the matter.

Truth be told? I sometimes wonder what life would have been like if I'd followed another path.

Sometimes, despite all my gifts, talents and obvious charms, my life lacks direction.

Sometimes, I wish I'd taken those Germans up on their offer, all those years ago.

Tonight, and possibly for the last twenty years, I think my life could have used a little Fahrvergn├╝gen.

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