Vacation Insomnia, or Why I'll Never Go To Jurassic Park.
Vacation Insomnia, or Why I'll Never Go To Jurassic Park
What the hell is this shit?
Awake at 5:30 on my vacation? I went to bed at 1. Why am I awake two hours before sunup? And can I just say this, as a guy who's often driving to work before the crack of dawn? This switch back to Daylight Savings Time is a helluva mindfuck, because now it's like waking up at 4....
This week? Shouldn't be a problem. I'm on vacation. If I want to sleep until 3 in the afternoon, I'm gonna do it. (and I might just).
But here we sit, wide awake.
Tyrannosaur looking in my SUV awake.
There aren't many moments, real or fictional, where I can say "I would void my bowels were I in this situation," but if I'm in a situation where a 50-foot dinosaur is eyeballing me through my driver's side window? If I'm not an appetizer, I'm throwing away a pair of boxer shorts when it's all said and done.
Note to self: Wear briefs if visiting Jurassic Park. You're probably gonna shit in your pants, and if you can contain that mess, maybe you won't have to throw your pants away, too. No guarantees, but it's something to think about.
One more thought? Say the Tyrannosaur does make me drop a deuce, and he eats me anyway...does this do anything for his taste for human beings?
Giving it some thought, I'd say it'll factor in little, positive or negative. The tyrannosaur's going to swallow me whole, most likely, whether there's poop in my pants or in my bowels.
And considering that my parent's pug Max treats the catbox like his own personal Whitman's Sampler, and the dinosaur's brain isn't much bigger than Max's, it'll probably be an added bonus.
Which is an interesting enough visual, in and of itself, thinking of a dinosaur rooting around in the catbox for a morsel....
Yeah. You're gonna have to dope me up B.A. Baracus style to get me to Jurassic Park.
Come to think of it, if it means falling back to sleep, I'll drink the magic potion now, if I can sleep eight hours on the plane ride down....
What the hell is this shit?
Awake at 5:30 on my vacation? I went to bed at 1. Why am I awake two hours before sunup? And can I just say this, as a guy who's often driving to work before the crack of dawn? This switch back to Daylight Savings Time is a helluva mindfuck, because now it's like waking up at 4....
This week? Shouldn't be a problem. I'm on vacation. If I want to sleep until 3 in the afternoon, I'm gonna do it. (and I might just).
But here we sit, wide awake.
Tyrannosaur looking in my SUV awake.
There aren't many moments, real or fictional, where I can say "I would void my bowels were I in this situation," but if I'm in a situation where a 50-foot dinosaur is eyeballing me through my driver's side window? If I'm not an appetizer, I'm throwing away a pair of boxer shorts when it's all said and done.
Note to self: Wear briefs if visiting Jurassic Park. You're probably gonna shit in your pants, and if you can contain that mess, maybe you won't have to throw your pants away, too. No guarantees, but it's something to think about.
One more thought? Say the Tyrannosaur does make me drop a deuce, and he eats me anyway...does this do anything for his taste for human beings?
Giving it some thought, I'd say it'll factor in little, positive or negative. The tyrannosaur's going to swallow me whole, most likely, whether there's poop in my pants or in my bowels.
And considering that my parent's pug Max treats the catbox like his own personal Whitman's Sampler, and the dinosaur's brain isn't much bigger than Max's, it'll probably be an added bonus.
Which is an interesting enough visual, in and of itself, thinking of a dinosaur rooting around in the catbox for a morsel....
Yeah. You're gonna have to dope me up B.A. Baracus style to get me to Jurassic Park.
Come to think of it, if it means falling back to sleep, I'll drink the magic potion now, if I can sleep eight hours on the plane ride down....
posted by Tommy at
07:13
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home