Thursday, November 26, 2009



A brief (and entirely incomplete) list of things I'm thankful for, this November 26, 2009, as I watch the Macy's Parade....:
  • Coffee. Have you had this stuff? It's awesome.
  • Gravy. Entirely underrated.
  • Chicken. The world's most perfect animal to eat.
  • Coke Zero. When they find that whatever's in it is causing brain cancer in lab rats, I'll still be drinking it. Coke Zero is the Tab of this generation. I'll be the one guy buying the junk in 2032.
  • The Sweetwater Brewing Company. 420 is moving quickly to the top of my favorite beers. I'm not saying it's going to supplant the fine products of Rogue or Dogfish Head....but it's a whole hell of a lot more affordable.
  • The fine folks at Rogue Breweries and Dogfish Head.
  • I'm thankful for having beer snob friends, too.
  • I'm thankful that there are not large, feral, ferocious apes running around North America.
  • Yet.
  • I'm thankful that said large, feral, ferocious apes have not acquired a taste for human liver.
  • Yet.
  • I am thankful that I am not Matt Lauer or Meredith Vieira. Because this morning, I do not have to sit with Al Roker this morning in Manhattan, watching giant balloons get walked down the street. Because Al Roker seems to really be into this shit.
  • I'm thankful that I don't have to work with Al Roker in general. He seems kinda creepy since he lost all the weight, to be honest. Grasping at any thread of happiness. Some folks are meant to be heavy (said the guy who started his list with 17 foods he's thankful for).
  • I'm thankful for having friends who tolerate my bullshit.
  • I'm thankful even more for having friends who like me because of my bullshit.
  • I'm thankful for my folks. They're good people. And they've put up with each other for, like, 32 years. They can't be all bad.
  • I'm thankful for my sister and brother-in-law, who are some of my best friends in the world.
  • I am thankful that I will never lose my sense of excitement if I see one of the following vehicles out in public: The Oscar Meyer Weinermobile, The General Lee, A De Lorean like the one Doc Brown used to disrupt the space time continuum, or the A-Team Van.
  • I am thankful for that thing where a girl puts her pony tail through the back of a baseball cap. I dig that a lot.
  • Scrubs, as well. I like a girl in scrubs. Which strikes some as odd. But, it's a fool that looks for logic in the chamber of the human heart. I'm thankful for both girls in scrubs, and that saying.
  • I'm thankful for O Brother Where Art Thou?, though the nearly ten years since it came out is bothersome.
  • I am thankful that I cannot understand why Carly Simon is singing that song from Working Girl while Care Bears ice skate. Surely, to know what that shit's all about is madness.
  • I am thankful that I live in America, where I am allowed to spread my opinions without thought of being quashed by the hegemony.
  • Yet.
  • I am thankful for the following comedians: Jimmy Norton, Patton Oswalt, Patrice Oneal, Louis C.K., Mike Birbiglia, David Cross, Tim Wilson, Ron White, Doug Stanhope, and the late George Carlin....
  • I am thankful for the following writers: Cherie Priest, Joe R. Lansdale, Joe Hill, Neil Gaiman, Dennis Lehane, Carl Hiassen and Stephen King
  • I'm thankful for all the folks who keep coming back this way, and I honestly appreciate you all. (Even Gunny).
  • I'm thankful for hamburgers. Forgot that one. Burgers rock. Especially burgers with thick pepper bacon and bleu cheese distributed liberally within. Those are good.
  • My friend Robbie's pumpkin roll. And while it's probably a million billion calories in one treat that pretty much disappeared in three days, it's what God eats up in heaven.
  • I'm thankful for working with people who make me laugh, when the job gets a little stressful.
  • I'm thankful that I'm not walking up and down the streets looking for work. I'd like a little more free time, but am thankful for what I have.
  • I am thankful that I do not fight in the UFC for a living. Because all my beliefs to the contrary, I am most likely not a badass. I would hate to have the word see me cry after Brock Lesnar beat me into bloody pudding.
  • Having a writing project again. I'm pleased with where it's going so far. I'm thankful for not having to look at a blank page, and walk away frustrated with not erasing enough of it.....
  • Regular bowels. I cannot stress how thankful I am for those enough. Twice a day (morning, and then after the drive home). It's the little things in life....
  • Comfortable Shoes. God bless those folks at Wolverine boots and New Balance shoes, equally.
  • Damn, Al Roker is creepy. Sooooo thankful I do not work with him.
  • Batman. I'm thankful for Batman.
  • Thankful that I do not have to lip-synch anything I do.
That's all I got right now. Running out to go see the folks. Y'all take it easy, and have a great Thanksgiving....


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