I was driving today. Had something on my mind and I had to get out of the house for a little bit. I drove vaguely east, towards the communities of Milton, Lascassas, Auburntown and Prosperity, Tennessee. It was cloudy (again) but warm, so I had the windows open and the radio played songs I liked.
Oh the things I saw!
A graveyard called the Prosperity Cemetery.
Bison! I'm not kidding. I think they're hybridized with cows and called Beefalo, but I saw them. And it was cool. They were all looking vaguely west, opposite the direction I was going.
A snake, dead, in the road. It must have been warm enough for it to come out. It was also warm enough for it to be run over, I guess. Come to think of it, I saw a lot of animals dead on the road. It's mating season, and they go crossing major highways in search of something cool. And find something uncool. I saw skunks, groundhogs, a raccoon, an opossum, a dog and a rabbit (I think).
I saw more beer bottles, cans and twelve-pack cartons along the side of the road than I'm happy to say. Sometimes, I really do hate people.
And there were a lot of houses that were in sad states of disrepair. Some, the owners obviously don't have an inclination toward neither maintenance nor garbage disposal. It's much easier, I guess, to throw it out in the yard. Other homes, the occupants may not have the youthful energy required. I don't know which made me feel worse.
Still, when the detritus of the human condition leaks out on the road in the form of Little Tikes plastic toys and yard tools, one wonders exactly what has gone on there. There's little more disconcerting than coming around a curve and having to swerve to avoid one of those orange cars that a toddler can get in and "drive." I actually stopped on the side of the road to look up at the little brick house to see if there was anything amiss. I saw nobody. The road was deserted, and after a couple of seconds, I decided to get out and move the toy out of the road. I also kicked the remains of a rake farther into the ditch. The little car was in the lane of traffic. Maybe, it was blown there by the wind. However, as I did this, I noted how absolutely still the world seemed. It was one of the oddest, quietest moments in all my life. No wind. No cars. No birds. No noise from anywhere. It was like everything decided to hold its breath, like maybe I was the subject of some odd experiment and they didn't want to distract or detract. And to be honest, I felt a little more exposed than I liked. I got back in the truck and drove on, taking one last look up at the house.
And then the Swamp Monster jumped out of the ditch and tried to claw out my soul!!!!!!
Just wanted to tell you all about it. It's all true, except that part about the Swamp Monster. He just wanted a ride to Auburntown.
Not to change the subject too much:
According the e-mail from Julie, my new name is now Pinkie Gigglebreath.
Hers is better. Boobie Cootiesniffer. She wants to be referred to as "Boo," but I think time will tell how well that nickname sticks.
Oh the things I saw!
A graveyard called the Prosperity Cemetery.
Bison! I'm not kidding. I think they're hybridized with cows and called Beefalo, but I saw them. And it was cool. They were all looking vaguely west, opposite the direction I was going.
A snake, dead, in the road. It must have been warm enough for it to come out. It was also warm enough for it to be run over, I guess. Come to think of it, I saw a lot of animals dead on the road. It's mating season, and they go crossing major highways in search of something cool. And find something uncool. I saw skunks, groundhogs, a raccoon, an opossum, a dog and a rabbit (I think).
I saw more beer bottles, cans and twelve-pack cartons along the side of the road than I'm happy to say. Sometimes, I really do hate people.
And there were a lot of houses that were in sad states of disrepair. Some, the owners obviously don't have an inclination toward neither maintenance nor garbage disposal. It's much easier, I guess, to throw it out in the yard. Other homes, the occupants may not have the youthful energy required. I don't know which made me feel worse.
Still, when the detritus of the human condition leaks out on the road in the form of Little Tikes plastic toys and yard tools, one wonders exactly what has gone on there. There's little more disconcerting than coming around a curve and having to swerve to avoid one of those orange cars that a toddler can get in and "drive." I actually stopped on the side of the road to look up at the little brick house to see if there was anything amiss. I saw nobody. The road was deserted, and after a couple of seconds, I decided to get out and move the toy out of the road. I also kicked the remains of a rake farther into the ditch. The little car was in the lane of traffic. Maybe, it was blown there by the wind. However, as I did this, I noted how absolutely still the world seemed. It was one of the oddest, quietest moments in all my life. No wind. No cars. No birds. No noise from anywhere. It was like everything decided to hold its breath, like maybe I was the subject of some odd experiment and they didn't want to distract or detract. And to be honest, I felt a little more exposed than I liked. I got back in the truck and drove on, taking one last look up at the house.
And then the Swamp Monster jumped out of the ditch and tried to claw out my soul!!!!!!
Just wanted to tell you all about it. It's all true, except that part about the Swamp Monster. He just wanted a ride to Auburntown.
Not to change the subject too much:
According the e-mail from Julie, my new name is now Pinkie Gigglebreath.
Hers is better. Boobie Cootiesniffer. She wants to be referred to as "Boo," but I think time will tell how well that nickname sticks.
posted by Tommy at
23:39
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