Monday, May 26, 2003

I've just been sitting here for the past fifteen minutes writing a post about a bowel movement. I realized that it's not that interesting to anybody. And as much as I love bathroom humor, I realize that I'm in the minority. I won't bore or disgust you with all the details. I'll just say that it was cool after having stood up for nearly most of the day to actually get to sit down. And I won't call the B.M. a religious experience, but there was a lot of harp music seemingly coming from nowhere. ( jokes about trumpets. I would never joke about that. Not living with Bill.)

I also realize that it's pretty boring to talk about radio stations, as I did this morning. Mostly I was upset at having my routine interrupted, so I was passing the time. Sorry to have wasted yours, if you read through it looking for a nugget of something funny or even wise. But if that's why you were here, you got pretty much what you deserved. Go do something useful.

Bill speaks briefly about the click it, or ticket campaign over here. He takes the stance that the guvmint shouldn't be able to make him put his seat belt on. Or wear a motorcycle helmet. I say that it's a tax issue. The more money local and state governments spend having to squeegee your mangled carcass off the highways, the more they have to tax you. And the more they have to tax you, the less you get to spend on such things as: pecan sandies, pants and tickets to pro wrestling. So I'm wearing my seatbelt, and I wish you would too. So that I can spend my money on pro wrestling tickets, but not so much pants or pecan sandies, unless one of the two should become necessary.

Has everybody seen the "Click it, or Ticket" commercial where four different drivers are pulled over by four different cops but cited for the same infraction: no seat belt?

And has anybody else noticed the similarity between the music in that commercial and the music Chris Pontius uses in Jackass as "Party Boy?" I think mostly it's the techno backbeat.

You know, I've caught a couple of the games on ESPN where David Justice has been providing color commentary, and I like his work. And considering I hate just about every color commentator on baseball, that's saying something. I really wish ESPN would get away from their habit of showing a shot of the announcers at least once an inning.

Speaking of baseball (which I realize I hardly ever do), I'd like to congratulate MTSU's baseball team for making the championship tournament. They're the 4 seed in the Starkville regional. They'll start out against Mississippi State. North Carolina and Missouri are also in their bracket.

Man! That was that a good bowel movement.

Julie, Jason and I watched S1m0ne last night. I liked the effort, but it was flawed. It tried to be funny at the wrong times, often failing. And the parts that were funny, I'm not sure I was supposed to laugh at. It was going for the darker vein of comedy, I guess. Has Al Pacino tried to do a real straightlaced comedy? I know DeNiro has tried a few times now (perhaps coming closest in Meet the Parents). I can't think of anything off the top of my head.

I leave you now with a description of one of my favorite Calvin and Hobbes comics.

Calvin is taking a test. The question: "Explain Newton's First Law of Motion in your own words."

Calvin responds with a smile "Yakka Foob mog. Grug pubbawup zink. Wattoom gazork. Chumble spuzz."

And he leaves you with "I love loopholes."

My friend Julie has been told she's not allowed to read at her desk when work is slow. But we discussed last night the fact that they never said she's not allowed to read in the hallway. Or at a neighbor's desk.


That's what I need. Some loopholes.


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