Wednesday, May 28, 2003

Once upon a time, when I was but a wee lad, I went to nursery school. Mom would load me into the blue Chevy Nova we had every morning at the butt crack of dawn. We'd listen to Kenny Rogers 8-tracks and drive over to the nursery school. It was called Le Petite Academy. And the warden's name was Miss Couch.

There was playground equipment at the nursery school. I was a country kid, and I peed against it sometimes. I got in trouble once for tossing a stick backwards over my shoulder and having it hit one of the windows.

At Le Petite Academy, when we had to play inside, often because of rain, but sometimes because of damnations. One of the inside toys was a large metal cylinder, about four feet long, and about three feet in diameter. One day I and another child were sitting inside the tube. Probably we were playing car, or perhaps truck. Nonetheless, we sat inside, whiling away the time, enjoying more pure a fun time than any I've had since.

There were older kids that would come to Le Petite Academy from the nearby elementary schools for after school care. And on this particular day, they were making a tower out of the wooden blocks we had to play with. You remember wooden blocks, right? Small pieces of wood, cut into geometric patters, like rectangles and cylinders. Made from wood. Wood....from trees.

But they were making a tower, these older kids were. And it was really tall. It was at least five feet tall!!!!

To a 4-year-old five is a lot of feet.

But anyway, there was this one kid. A troublemaker. His name was Ty. I remember Ty actually being the first kid I remember using a cuss word (damn). I now list Ty as one of the top 5 influences upon my life. Well, Ty decided that he'd had enough of this giant tower, and he pulled one of the key support blocks. And the whole five foot tall structure came crashing down.

Remember where I was? I was in that weird metal tube, pretending to drive or fly or haul lumber. Well, we're in this tube, and the tower of wooden blocks falls on top of the tube.

And brother, was it ever loud. At that time, I remember thinking "Jesus Christ! That's the loudest frigging sumbitch I ever heard in my whole damn life!" Actually, what I thought was: "That's the loudest noise ever!!!!!"

Boy! Was I ever a naive little screwball.

Because tonight's NWA-TNA show at the Asylum was whole hell of a lot louder than all that block falling tower mess. Tonight's show was "as loud as hell," but not as traumatic. Of course, we were sitting right under the speaker. That Jeremy Borash has the shrillest voice ever put on a man. We should count ourselves fortunate that interviewer Goldylocks didn't have to scream in surprise or anger at anybody. Metro police should contract her out to replace the sirens on their cars.

Lots of Cubs fans at the show, too. Referee Andrew Thomas as well as the ringleader of the world renowned Heel Section both count themselves among the long suffering.

I'm going to Pittsburgh, by the way, to burn down PNC Park.


Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home