I miss the Arsenio Hall show.

He did things without the desk.

And he didn't like it when Jake "the Snake" Roberts left his python Damian on the guest couch.

And the Dog Pound? I really miss the Dog Pound. And he'd name the people in the Dog Pound. Tonight, the people in the Dog Pound are People Who are Mad when Church's Chicken is Closed on Christmas Day.

You know the first time I ever heard of Billy Ray Cyrus, it was on the Arsenio Hall show? He sang Achy Break Heart. I just don't think you'd understand.

And the show he did the night of the riots in Los Angeles. And the audience was empty.

Arsenio's was a decent show, as late night talk shows go. Arsenio was Bill Clinton playing the saxophone and Magic Johnson. And now occasionally Arsenio will do stuff for Jay Leno? It's just sad. Because if Arsenio was Bill Clinton playing the saxophone and Magic Johnson, then Jay Leno is white bread and the EZ Listening rock station they play at your workplace.

David Letterman does my AOL welcome noise.

I'm drunk with power.