Guess I'd Better Start Wiping My Butt After I Crap

Guess I'd Better Start Wiping My Butt After I Crap

Blogger's updated a little. Let's see how this shizzle doggy fizzle banana whizzle works.

This Kid went to wipe after going to the toilet, and found a 100 dollar bill folded up in the roll.

Talk about your added incentives. You mean I get a clean, mainly itch-free, feces-free fanny, plus I get $100!?!?!?!???!!!

[The school principal] also said he was impressed with 10-year-old Cody's integrity after the boy took the $100 directly to his teacher.

"I didn't think it was right to keep it," Cody said.

Good for Cody. It's nice to see some honesty in America's youth. Once upon a time, I was in the video arcade, playing the Star Wars Trilogy game. A kid was watching me play, over my shoulder. Now, I'm in the last stage of the game, where you're in the X-Wing getting ready to destroy the Death Star for the second time. I'm at the point where you're shooting at the TIE-Bombers, when out of the corner of my eye, I see the kid look down, reach over with his foot and nudge something.

All of a sudden, the screen goes blank, and the game resets itself. The kid had nudged the power cord. Just enough to unplug the game.

The kid looks at me and says "I didn't do that."

Actually, he may have said "Did I do that?" or even "I'm sorry," but I was too busy crying. To that point, I'd never beaten the game on one quarter, and I was getting close to doing it then.

(Since then, I have accomplished my task. My soccer goal-style celebration victory dance is part of why I'm not allowed in the arcade at the mall.)

I'm rambling. Now me? If I find $100 in my White Cloud? I'm not telling anybody. I figure that's money God wants me to have. Here you go, son. I'm proud of you for keeping your rear end clean. Go buy you some DVDs.

Yessir. My Daddy had a talk with me when I was little. Underwear ain't free, he said.

Now, if I'm at work, and I find $100 in the toilet paper, I know it's planted. Because those cheap so's and so's use that John Wayne toilet paper. You know, rough and tough and won't take shit off anybody? Our toilet paper's so cheap, there are still pieces of wood pulp in the rolls. It's not even one ply. It's like, a quarter-ply. You use half the roll to make sure of a safety barrier, if you know what I mean.

And rough. Whew. It beats pine cones, but only because it got a head start.

Interestingly enough, I was hearing about John Wayne toilet paper long before I even knew who John Wayne was. But when I did find out, what an interesting joke that became.

Link was on Fark.