Hurricanes, and whatnot

Hurricanes, and whatnot

Good post-hurricane reading? Stormy Weather by Carl Hiassen.

The comedian James Gregory has a bit about how his favorite weather disaster is the hurricane, because it tends to institute natural selection in a way a lot of this world doesn't allow anymore.

I couldn't agree more.

James points out the video you inevitably get of Jimmy Joe and Earline in their trailer park located about 450 feet off the coast in Florida, or the Gulf Coast, or South Carolina.

You've seen these people. These two fine folks have watched on their cable television the class 5 hurricane mosey across the Atlantic, watched it grow into a once-a-century monster before their eyes, watched it wipe Haiti and the Dominican Republic off the map, watched it decimate Cuba, and now see the 500 mile wide finger of God making a mad dash for their trailer.

And these two folks have decided that all they'll need here in America is a quick run to Home Depot for a couple of planks of plywood, and three days' supply of water, beer and smokes. That will be all they need to ride this monster out, so that they can keep their collection of beanie babies safe from looters.

I don't know. I've been on a little bit of an ill temper lately. I'm sorry as hell to hear about fatalities and all that. But if you stay in a trailer with 140 mile an hour winds bearing down on you, you deserve everything that you get. There are shelters, at least, better shelters than rusty aluminum walls up on cinder blocks.

I hear about that kind of weather, and I live in a solid home, I say "screw it," and move on. Joe Rogan couldn't pay me any amount of money to stay in a mobile home if a storm bad enough to be named is bearing down anywhere close to my position.

Ah well. Just think of it as God's way of saying "You! Out of the gene pool!"

Changing the subject slightly, the next couple of named storms will be (or are, were they named?) Danielle and Earl.

I smiled when I heard Earl. It's my middle name.

But still, I don't like the name system. I like the ideas I've heard about giving hurricanes horrible, fear inspiring names. Hurricane Attila, I've heard. That would be cool.

My hurricane name list, because I'm bored?

Based almost entirely on words that I think would sound cool after the word "Hurricane."

Hurricane:

1. Akhnaten
2. Bocephus
3. Chewbacca
4. Dagnabbit
5. Eegah
6. Frodo
7. Gordon Sumner
8. Halytosis
9. Indianapolis
10. Jimmy Joe
11. Khan
12. LaRussa
13. My Sharona
14. Nana Nana Boo Boo
15. Oscar the Grouch
16. Patton
17. Queer Eye
18. Rastus
19. Sugarplum Cookie
20. Tumnus, the Fawn
21. Unitas
22. Vichy France
23. Wonder Woman
24. X-Treme
25. Yellow Belly
26. Zardoz

And, if I made the rules, you wouldn't start over at A each year. Each tropical depression would have a number, corresponding to the year. But for news services, we'd keep up with a list like this.

Just because I'd like to hear Tom Brokaw say "Hurricane Unitas," or "Hurricane X-Treme."

And, I think it would be a little more awe inspiring to hear that Khan destroyed Myrtle Beach.

Plus, if Vichy France destroyed Daytona, wouldn't that be sufficient provocation for us to invade?

Just thinking out loud.

(Because I'm afraid if I left these thoughts to fester, I'd get cancer of the mind.)