Real Conversations from My Life

Real Conversations from My Life

I don't know why I thought about this one today, but it happened one night when I was working nights, a couple of years back:

The co-worker's name was Derek, and he was deliriously tired, and for some reason, we were talking about cartoons:

Out of the blue, after a long silence:

Derek: If Spongebob Squarepants was real, do you think I could whip him in a fight?

Me: What do you mean if he was real?

Derek: Man, you know what I mean.

Me: No, you couldn't whip him. He'd tear you apart. It wouldn't even be a close fight.

Derek (a little dejected): Yeah. You're right. Spongebob's a badass.

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Several minutes later, I had a George Costanza moment. Derek had left, and I had to hunt him down, to drop this little bit of wit on him:

Me: Spongebob would wipe the floor with you.

Derek: Huh?

Me: If you and Spongebob got into a fight. He'd wipe the floor with you.

Derek (not following at all): What the fuck you talkin' about?

Me: When you were talking a minute ago about....Oh never mind.

Derek: Yeah. You never mind and go back to work. Quit talking about Spongebob.

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I was really proud of my ironic statement.

Derek got fired a couple of weeks later when they found out he'd been convicted of a felony, and had failed to mention it on his work application....