Tuesday, September 18, 2007

A Meme from the Ass End of the Night

A Meme from the Ass End of the Night

Can't sleep. Same old story. Woke up to shake the dew off the lily, and then couldn't go back to sleep. I blame the Democrats.

Here's a meme that's wandering around the blogoverse, seen here, and here, and here:

1. Is your second toe longer than your first?

No, it is not. It is shorter by probably a half an inch.

2. Do you have a favorite type of pen?

Yeah. The kind you write with.

3. Look at your planner for March 14, what are you doing?

Nothing planned. Want to hang out?

4. What color are your toenails usually?

Kind of a fleshy color that I like to call "toenail."

5. What was the last thing you highlighted?

Probaby some fucking movement report from work. Those are fun, and meaningful.

6. What color are your bedroom curtains?

The room I sleep in doesn't actually have windows. It's part of why I like the place. If I see even a hint of daylight, there's no going back to sleep. No windows=no daylight. Plus, I gotsta keep my complexion pasty.

7. What color are the seats in your car?


8. Have you ever had a black and white cat?

We had one called Petunia, who was a sexually ambiguous animal. He was called Petunia because for the bulk of his life, we thought he was a girl. And then the vet said "He's male, only his testicles never descended." He never acted like a Tom. Never sprayed, or caroused. Mostly, he walked around confused about his relations to other animals. Most of the time, he kept to himself.

9. What is the last thing you put a stamp on?

My electric bill. I either mail it in, or pay it in person. I'm saving up $2 bills, because I'm waiting for either Comcast or the Athens Utility Board to piss me off, so I can go pay my bill in 2's. You know, the 4 o'clock in the morning me doesn't think it'll piss them off nearly as much as the middle of the day me does.

10. Do you know anyone who lives in Wyoming?

No. Thank God.

11. Why did you withdraw cash from the ATM the last time?

So's I could have "the pocket money," to purchase any vittles and play-pretties I might find over the course of the week.

12. Whose is the last baby that you held?

One of the girls at work had a baby. I've held all of three in my life, all of them coming in the past couple of years.

13. Unlucky #?

I don't like round numbers.

14. Do you like Cinnamon toothpaste?

Take it or leave it.

15. What kind of car were you driving 2 years ago?

A black Chevy pickup that I'd been driving for a decade.

16. Pick one: Miami Hurricanes or Florida Gators?

What am I picking them for? To be hurled headlong into chopper blades? Then, I pick the latter.

17. Last time you went to Six Flags?

High school, unless I'm misremembering. The Physics class got to go, and work out problems having to do with certain rides. I wasn't in the physics class (Tommy chose chorus, instead). But they let me go, anyway. Which was awfully nice of them.

18. Do you have any wallpaper in your house?

The bathroom has a wonderfully mesmerizing Ivy pattern. When you've left your reading material behind, it's great to fall into.

19. Closest thing to you that is yellow?

A yellow legal pad. It is where I scrawl my ideas, baseball statistics, addresses, Quantum Leap notes, Jeopardy Scores, phone numbers, lists of inane things and any other thing that needs to escape from my head and be set to paper.

20. Last person to give you a business card?

No idea. It might be a cop.

21. Who is the last person you wrote a check to?

The aforementioned Electric Company. Owing to that I likes my internets on, and my foods kept cold.

22. Closest framed picture to you?

Does a poster of O Brother Where Art Thou count?

Yes, the judges say. Yes it does.

23. Last time you had someone cook for you?

My friend Jill cooked chicken, potatoes, zucchini and spinach salad the other night. It was very, very good.

24. Have you ever applied for welfare?

Heavens no.

25. How many emails do you have?

Who knows? Too many.

26. Last time you received flowers?

I've never recieved flowers. You bastards.

27. Do you think the sanctity of marriage is meant for only a man & woman?

No (and now we see that the intent of this little bastard meme is to start an argument...)

28. Do you play air guitar?

No. I used to, but I smashed my air guitar against my air amp late last year, in an air concert in air Kansas City, destroying both, as well as much of air Kansas City.

29. Has anyone ever proposed to you?

Once, in college, I was helping a girl I really, really liked. When I was done, she said "Marry Me!" and I said "Okay." And then there was an uncomfortable silence that has lasted ever since.

30. Do you take anything in your coffee?

I take my coffee as black as my soul.

31. Do you have any Willow Tree figurines?

I don't know what that is. I won't tell you no, but I really don't think so.

32. What is/was your high school's rival mascot?

Allow me to edit this sentence at 4:20 in the morning: What is rival describing? The mascot, or the high school? The sentence would better read: What is your rival high school's mascot?

In this case, I reckon I'll say "A Charger" since that's what McMinn Central's mascot was. Kind of a ram, I think.

33. Last person you spoke to from high school?

The aforementioned Jill. We have known each other 16 years this fall.

34. Last time you used hand sanitizer?

After shaking hands with a particularly rough looking, inenebriated man whom I'd refused to sell beer to at my store. I wanted to take a bath in sanitizer after he talked and breathed and coughed on me.

35. Would you like to learn to play the drums?

Who's asking?

36. What color are the blinds in your living room?

Kind of an off-white.

38. Last thing you read in the newspaper?

Probably box scores. It's been a few days.

39. What was the last pageant you attended?

The McMinn County Beautiful Teen Miss Pig-Whoopin' Pageant and Pie Eating Contest. In June of this year.

40. What is the last place you bought pizza from?

Probably The Gondolier. Maybe Papa John's.

41. Have you ever worn a crown?

Aside from one of those Burger King crowns? Not but three or four. There was a small skirmish over my wearing of one crown. Two words for you: Vietnam War.

42. What is the last thing you stapled?

Probably the aforementioned Movement Reports, that I was highlighting.

43. Did you ever drink clear Pepsi?

Yeah. I never knew if it had a lemon-y taste because it actually had the taste, or because my mind was projecting that memory, because clear sodas had to taste lemon-y

44. Are you ticklish?

A little. I've been known to fight over it, though. So watch out.

45. Last time you saw fireworks?

The last time I know that I definitely saw them were at the Great American Ballpark, back in August. The Reds won.

46. Last time you had a Krispy Kreme doughnut?

Do the little Crullers count? I had a couple of those at work last week.

But a real, warm, Krispy Kreme donut? It's actually been a long time. More than a year. There was drinking involved, and for some reason, late that evening, a Krispy Kreme donut seemed like the perfect thing to put on top of a stomach full of beer. How I didn't ralph, I'll never guess. Stupid is as stupid does.

47. Who is the last person that left you a message & you actually returned it?

My boss.

48. Last time you parked under a carport?

Whenever I go to my folks' house.

49. Do you have a black dog?

My parents have a black lab mix named Sally. She's a pretty girl, and she needs to have her belly rubbed at least once a day.

50 . Have you had your mid life crisis yet?

Not yet. It's tentatively scheduled for 2022.

51. Are you an aunt or uncle?


52. Who has the prettiest eyes that you know of?

My friend Julie has very pretty eyes. I never could think of a way to say so without it being kind of awkward.

53. What kind of soap or body wash do you use?

I enjoy being Zestfully clean.

54. Do you remember Ugly Kid Joe?

Do you mean the band, which I remember only because of the name? Or Joe Thomas, who graduated high school with me?

In either case, yes. Vaguely.

55. Do you have a little black dress?

This interview is over!


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