Bad Things to Find in a Pinata

Bad Things to Find in a Pinata

A topic of much discussion at work. This is a pretty self-explanatory list. Instead of candy, or toys, upon breaking, you find it filled with:

• celery
• raisins
• carrots
• apples
• applesauce
• oranges
• orange juice
• bees
• flies
• pincer beetles
• mice
• rats
• possums
• worms
• thousands of writhing snakes
• one very big pissed-off snake
• a bear (in this scenario, the pinata is in the form of a bear...and upon breaking the paper mache, we find that hiding within the pinata form of a bear is an actual bear, pissed off over the fact that you've been hitting him with a stick).
• a tiger (same scenario)
• a cheetah (same scenario, except that he'll run you down even if you're Thomas Magnum jumping in Robin Masters' Lamborghini)
• hundreds of inch-high, screaming Irishmen.
• A ghost
• Many Ghosts
• The Holy Ghost (a'la Raiders of the Lost Ark)
• Pennies (there was discussion about this one. My reasoning: ever filled a sock with pennies? or had a jar of them? remember how heavy? well, imagine a pinata that had managed to bely the weight and mass of the coin money within. then imagine hitting that sumbitch with a stick)
• Jello
• Syrup
• Soup
• Dishwater
• Very Dirty Dishwater
• Raw Hamburger Meat
• Pork Chops (a pinata in the hot sun, filled with pork chops? Welcome to Trichinosis. Population: You)
• Beef eyes
• Indeed, any manner of eyes.
• Beef Tongue.
• Indeed, any manner of tongue.
• Pork Knowledge (although, Pork Knowledge Pinata is a very cool name for a band, or a race horse)
• Shards of broken glass
• The dry'em stuff they put on vomit when you were in grade school. Stuff stand worse than the puke.
• Vomit
• A guy with a bat who starts hitting you
• Another universe (one that sucks you in to it)
• Another universe (one that expands outward, at the speed of light, i.e. another Big Bang)
• Hair
• Toenail Clippings
• Scabs
• Nose Droppings
• Toaster Crumbs
• Your Parents
• My Parents
• Scorpions
• Fish
• Crabs
• A thousand screaming monkeys
• Dick Cheney
• Al Gore
• Hillary Clinton
• Cuba Gooding, Jr.
• Teeth
• Your Teeth
• Nothing But Anger
• Proof that we might be alone in the universe, after all
• Steak
• A self inflating inflatable raft (i don't know why, but it was universally agreed that an inflatable raft would not be good in a pinata. At most and at best it would be confusing)
• Jerky from an animal not quite identified
• Nuts and Bolts
• Washers (maybe not as tightly packed as the pennies. This would be bad because you would get excited at all the silver money falling down. Then you would see that it's just metal slugs with holes in them)
• Mosquitos
• Mosquito Spray
• Spiders
• One Very Large Spider
• Clowns
• Mimes
• Jehovah's Witnesses
• Used Cooking Oil
• Baked Beans
• Pinto Beans
• Rocky Mountain Oysters
• Another Pinata
• Ping Pong Balls Cut in Half
• Eggs
• Eggs other than the ones you just thought of
• Bacon (see pork chops)
• Nacho Cheese
• Underwear
• Dirty Underwear

The war is not over....