Interior Dialogue

Interior Dialogue

Hey Tommy!

....

Tommy...

....

TOMMY!

What? I'm watching football....

When's the last time you did a serious blog post?

What?

You heard me. When's the last time you went out of your way to write a blog post?

I dunno. I did one this afternoon.

No, did an internet quiz, and you commented something like 8 words to go along with it. That's not writing a post.

I'm tired

Tired's ass.

....What does that phrase mean?

What phrase?

Tired's Ass

I dunno what it really means. It's something that my Dad.....Hold on there, Asshole. You won't trick me.

You are a clever one

Quit it. It means that it's a bullshit excuse, and you've been pulling that particular card out and playing it a little too readily, my friend. So. Tired's. Ass.

Tired's Ass, huh?

Tired's Ass.

Well, what should I blog about?

You're the Evil Genius. You're the one that's been blogging for half a decade. You can't pull a blog topic out of that pile of oatmeal you call a brain? You've had enough practice, by now, surely.

Mmm. One would think, I guess.

[here, you should insert a stubborn, three minute silence]

Alright. Fuck. What do you think about the Presidential Primary season?

Do the words "Circle Jerk" many anything to you?

Mmmm. So, I take it you're not political.

Oh, I'm political enough, I guess. I've got my hot button issues. Free speech. The excess taxation of liquor. The amount we spend in the country on "The Drug War" vs. what we spend on education. The amount of pull the religious right seems to have nowadays. The fact that the squeaky wheel gets the grease in this country, and we've got just enough media coverage in this world to make the lunatic fringe the point men on just about any politically driven attack....

Why don't you blog about that kind of stuff?

I like fart jokes

Really.

Yeah, I do. I tend to think I convert just about the same number of people with my absolutely no political talk as all the political bloggers do. At least this way, I can preach to a choir I actually like.

....so, who are you voting for?

I'm undecided, by this point. There are a couple candidates that strike my fancy, one on each side of the party line. One has a chance in his party, but I have to say that I feel like he's talking change, but would just be the same kind of horse, just with a slightly different color, were he to get to the finish line first. The other? He can't even get the mouthpiece for the Republican agenda in this country to let him speak on their channel.

So, you're a Ron Paul fan?

I'm interested that he's not preaching politics as usual. I don't agree with everything he's saying, but he appeals most to that Libertarian streak in me.

So, by Libertarian, you mean....

Got a real problem being told what to do and what to think, and being made to pay through the nose for the privelege.

Could be worse.

I reckon....

You could be vacationing amongst man-eating tigers.

What are you talking about? You were there on my last vacation. You're merely a separate, competing voice in what is essentially my interior monologue. You were there....

I like to think "competing, and dominant...."

Well, you were there on my last vacation. When I had to fight off all those bears. Man-eating bears. With my pro wrestling skills. You know. When we went camping? And they tried to steal my Little Debbie Honey Buns.

Bears do like Honey Buns.

Well we know that now...

Some things you have to learn the hard way.

If you mean by hard way: sharp, pointy, with a tendency to throw big dudes around like they were Raggedy Ann dolls...

Yeah. I'll be straight up with you. That did suck. Why did you decide to wear that coat?

You mean the one made out of Little Debbie Honey Buns?

That's the one.

Comfort, mostly. That, and I figured the wildlife would figure that a guy wearing a coat made out of pastries would be a pretty sweet guy.

Too sweet to eat?

Heh. You said you're the competing and dominant voice. That one sounds like your fault, chief.

You raise a good point.

Well, you can think "competing and dominant" all you like, just so long as you take responsibility for spilling Coke Zero all over the coffee table just now.

Excuse me, sir, I believe those were your big clumsy feet that hit the glass, just after you exclaimed "I wonder what's happening on wrestling right now," and shifted to get the remote control.

It was a Diva Pillow Fight Battle Royal.

Your opinion on that?

The Divas of today are much prettier than the divas of my youth. Children are much luckier nowadays. All I had was Sweet Sapphire

And Missy Hyatt.

Yeah. We did have Missy Hyatt. I wanted to marry her, back in the day.

Really?

No, probably not. She was blonde with big boobs. At 15, that's all you needed, I think. But marriage? I tend to think with her travel schedule, that'd leave me at home with the kids. And working as much as I do, I'm just not comfortable with leaving little Tommys and Missys in the hands of a babysitter.

You really do have too much time to think, don't you?

Or not enough. I never can tell. It's possible that I'm getting a little loopy.

Getting there, huh?

Well, getting back to it. The train don't leave the station for long....