Quotable Craigyferg

From Craig Ferguson's monologue. I liked it enough to have to write a few lines down....

"Now I know the President was trying to take the long view, but talking about solar energy in the middle of the oil spill...it's like watching your house being engulfed by flames and saying 'we really should change the curtains.'"

"At this point, it's not even an oil spill anymore. Spill is an accident that can be cleaned up. Calling this a spill is like calling World War II a tiff. It's not a spill, it's a fucking disaster, is what it is..."

"A few weeks ago [BP Chairman Tony] Heyward said, 'the environmental impact of the spill is likely to be very, very modest.' If by modest, you mean it's only destroyed one of the Solar System's eight planets, then yes, it's modest."

"Now listen, I'm not naive about large faceless corporations who destroy everything that's beautiful, I work here at CBS...but, BP even by the standards of Big Oil is evil. Listen, since 2007 the Government has fined BP 760 times for safety violoations. Exxon was only fined once. If Big Oil is a happy family, then BP is the creepy uncle nobody invites for Christmas. Let me put it another way. If the oil companies are a family, and that family is The Simpsons, then BP would be O.J. Simpson."

Lastly, and probably most importantly:

"Sometimes only a cuss word will do."