I need a patron. Does anybody know anybody out there who's willing to pay my way so that I might make art for them? I'm not much of a painter, but I'm willing to learn. I can write. I could be their biographer! Does anybody out there need me to write their biography? I'll ghostwrite, if need be. I can even make witty titles.

"Cey What?" by Ron Cey, with Tommy Acuff

or:

"George is On My Mind: A look back at my Seinfeld Years" by Jason Alexander, with Tommy Acuff

or perhaps:

"How Many Wrongs Make a Wright?" by Chely Wright, with Tommy Acuff

All this talent and still no book deal.