Saturday, May 31, 2003

I'm tireder than shit. 11 hours on one of the busiest donation days I've evey seen. Today came close to beating this past New Years. What I just said concerned a very select few. Regardless, I'm tired.

Would it change your opinion of me if I told you that I ate cereal from a bedpan?

It's not true.

But would it change your opinion of me for having said it?

Are you frightened of the children on the National Spelling Bee? Because they intimidate and frighten me immensely. What with their wonderful powers of spelling and what not. Personally, I believe those who moderate the spelling bee are occasionally frightened (and sometimes irked) by the abilities of these wunderkind. And occasionally, a speller will turn up missing. And the news never reaches us because Scripps Howard is one of the most powerful media conglomerates in the world. Easy to cover up.

These kids are much better spellers than I am. On the words they're giving on the ESPN re-broadcast, I'm coming up at about a 3 or 4 out of 10 average. And I consider mysellf a much gud spellr.

Actually, I think I'm a better than average speller. But I have a real problem with your/you're and its/it's. And occasionally the to/too thing.

But I'm fairly sure most, if not all, of these children would beat the pants off me in a spelling contest.

Here are a few contests in which I feel I would fare well against the pool of spellers in the finals:

Hot Dog Eating (I would beat most, if not all)
Cereal Eating
Lasagna Eating
Arm Wrestling (Most, if not all)
Intercontinental Champion Naming (I would play at least to a tie with most, if not all)
Monkey Shovelling
Four Wheeler ATV Race
Competitive Comic Book Reading
Shoe Size
Hat Size
Pants Size
Shirt Size
Knowing my Own Middle Name
Naming Characters from the show Key West
Weight Lifting
Number of times having driven an automobile
Number of "R" rated movies having seen (Most if not all)
Feigning Illiteracy
Most hair lost in lifetime
Beard Growing
Number of times having met Bert Prentice
Tobacco Chewing (Most, if not all)
Endurance Snoring
Fastest to Wake Up
Petting a dog
Number of times being bitten by a cat
Fingernail growing contest
Living with Bill Bacon
Sandwich eating
Pizza Eating (with meat)
Pizza Eating (no meat)
Unaided Flight
Competitive Ignorance
Running the Gamut
Long Distance Sleeping
Knuckle Cracking (most, if not all)
Pants Wearing (most, if not all)
Dwarf Tossing
Rebounding Contest
Sumo Wrestling Match
Wasting Time
Competitive Being from Riceville, Tennessee
Least Amount of Money in pocket (most, if not all)
Nose Hair (most, if not all)



Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home