Things I Resent

I'm watching re-run of American Gladiators on Spike TV, where Dan "Nitro" Clark has introduced a new word to my vocabulary: Equivalate....as in "How do you equivalate this to your experience mountain climbing?"

But I resent the implication made by that commercial where the guy says "for 80 cents a day you can feed this child." For one, he's patronizing me. "I know you've been busy....I know you have a lot to do."

But here's the biggie: He asks why I can't send money, saying: "I know you're not doing anything right now."

Screw you, announcer guy! I really resent that. How can you judge me based on the fact that I'm watching a 10 year old re-run of American Gladiators? What if I am doing something important? What if I'm a brain surgeon who listens to American Gladiators in the operating room? What if I'm working Missle Defense for NORAD, and I've got American Gladiators on one of my screens? Huh? I'll damn bet you that George W. Bush is watching American Gladiators down in Crawford, Texas RIGHT NOW, and he was almost elected President!

And now, a listing of my favorite American Gladiators events, in no particular order:

Atlas-Sphere
Breakthrough and Conquer
Joust
Assault (I want a tennis ball cannon)

And you can't go wrong with the version of the Eliminator where you have to bust through the paper wall, and then have to push your way past one of the Gladiators.