Tonight, step by step.

1.) Listen to some music (some Johnny Cash, some of the Ramones, and "Video Killed the Radio Star" from the Buggles) on an old pair of headphones. Headphones that are so old the thin rubber lining around the earphone is peeling off.

2.) Then, take off the headphones, and do something else (watch the Cubs lose on TV) for about a half hour.

3.) Then, casually reach up to adjust your glasses. Afterward, scratch behind your ear, and when you pull your finger back, recoil in horror at having brought back a half-inch square of black, skin-textured material.

4.) Let your mind reel in abject terror as you wonder what you've just pulled off your head.

5.) Just barely stifle a scream as you realize that it is indeed just material from the headphones.

6.) Go to bathroom, checking the freshness of the undies.

7.) Contemplate buying new headphones when we start the new job (assuming everything goes as well as it already has in the interview process). I realized a few minutes ago that I may be stuck in the background check process. At the former employer, this took a few days when we did them. I don't know if the prospective employer's checks can go any faster, though I kind of doubt it.