The Top 5 Americans in History

The Top 5 Americans of the 20th century

These are the top 5 Americans of the last century.

5. Franklin Roosevelt.

He was in Annie. Also, he's on the dime, which is, like, the second or third most important coin. He was in a wheelchair, and he was President of these here United States from 1933-1966. He single handedly fought Godzilla, and won. He's coolest because he started each day with a bowl of Quaker oatmeal.

4. Jackie Robinson

He was in a movie about himself, and he's had his number retired by every Major League Baseball Club. My uncle once got beaten up by Jackie Robinson. It wasn't a racism thing, either. My uncle really needed beaten down, and the only guy around to do it at the time was Jackie Robinson.

3. Abraham Lincoln

Imagine how frightening it would be to be around Abraham Lincoln when he's wearing that stovepipe hat. He'd be like 9 feet tall. I'll be he had hands like dinner plates. I'm thinking he'd be a scary guy to deal with. His wife was loony. He was the first wrassler to become President.

2. Eudora Welty

When I picture Eudora Welty in my mind, I picture a frog. And the idea of frogs writing these great southern stories is very funny to me. I wonder if she ate bugs. A lot of writers (Danielle Steele) do that. Also, when I picture Flannery O'Connor, I picture a quilt.

1. Arthur Fonzarelli (the Fonz)

It's a little early in this century to declare these things, but he's my early bet for most important American in the 21st century, as well.