Thoughts From the Ass End of the Night

Thoughts From the Ass End of the Night

Guess whose big ass can't sleep?

It's been a while since my old friend Insomnia visited. The past couple of nights have been rough.

Trying to tire my brain out.

The high school question and answer boobopamajog, as seen at Sheila's.:

What year was it?

The early 90's, ending in 1995

What were your three favorite bands (performers)?

REM, U2, Queen

What was your favorite outfit?

I had a green button up denim shirt that I liked quite a bit. It was my special shirt-friend. We shared many secrets.

Also, I had a shirt with the Far Side cartoon "Custer's Last View" on its front, where a bunch of Injuns are in a circle, grinning menacingly out of the shirt. One of the assistant principals didn't like it. I couldn't figure out why. Probably feared Injuns.

Other than that, I can't think of much that I particularly cared that I was wearing.

What was up with your hair?

White man's afro. I'd let it grow out. Also: I have a birthmark on the side of my head, just above my ear. My hair is brown. Where the birthmark is, the hair grows blond. So I've got this big patch of blond hair on the side of my head. It was an object of some discussion, I learned later, as to whether it was dyed that way, or if I was telling the truth.

Who were your best friends?

The two known as The Bills, Jillian (who reads here, everything except the wrestling posts), Travis, Stephanie, Jason, and lord help me, a guy we all knew as Kemosabe.

What did you do after school?

Quiz Bowl. Because I'm a dork. Any nerdy activity you can think of.

Where did you work?

Grocery Store

Did you take the bus?

No. Drove a big tan 1987 Ford Bronco.

Who did you have a crush on?

I don't know. Well, I do know. But there's not a lot to say. If I could go back in time and do one thing, do one favor for myself, it would be a swift kick in the pants to get me to just "Talk to somebody." I could look back in my journals and see that these people took up an unbelievable amount of my thinking, and I spent far too much time being self-conscious and shy to actually do anything about anything I felt.

In some cases, I'm not sure exactly what I was thinking with those infatuations. But there are a couple of other instances where I wish I could just boot myself in the butt to Talk to Somebody.

I won't share names. But there is great irony in one of the few instances of gumption and initiative on my part, where I actually acted on a crush. A minor one...just one of those things that popped up in life...she started coming to my church Youth Group meetings. I dunno In one of those moments that truly hurts a nerdy 16 year old, when I asked, I got told "I don't date fat guys."

Which was odd, because I was 5'1" and weighed 92 pounds.

Nah.

It sucked. It crushed me in that ultramelodramatic way that only teenagers know.

But the best part is that I ran across that crush a few years later. I didn't recognize her at first, and had to convince myself of who she was. She simply wasn't the same girl. I mean, for one thing, the hair was different.

But the other thing? I'm a big ol' boy, right? I didn't have much more weightwise on this girl, who managed to pack on a truly remarkable amount of weight in just six or seven years. Not Guinness Book of World Records, but not far from it, either.

Wow. You just witnessed a personal moment. I've only told that to a couple of people. And now I just shared it with all seven of my readers.

Did you fight with your parents?

Not really. There were periods where Dad and I fought. But that's because we're both stubborn asses. I don't think there were any extended periods of hostility, however.

Who did you have a CELEBRITY crush on?

You know, nobody really springs to mind, right now. Friends started my senior year, I think. Jennifer Aniston, I really liked. Other than that, I dunno. Nothing's springing to mind.

Did you smoke cigarettes?

Nah. Never picked it up. Parents smoked enough for me, I guess.

Did you lug all of your books around in your backpack all day because you were too nervous to find your locker?

Nope. Although I did have a stretch where my locker was too far from a stretch of classes to be able to switch out, so I lugged around four periods worth of history and lit books. It's where I got my scoliosis.

Did you have a ‘clique’?

I never really thought so, but looking back, I hung out a lot in the art hall. But I think I may have been the obligatory Fartsy for all the Artsy. I sang in the school chorus, and worked a couple of plays. As such, I kind of got sucked in to both of those groups.

Did you have “The Max” like Zach, Kelly, and Slater?

I'm sorry to say that I do get the Saved by the Bell reference. And no, we didn't really have a hangout.

Admit it, were you popular?

Nah. I wasn't tormented or anything like that. I learned later that Ms. Watson and some of the math teachers called me "The Quiet Giant," because I've been 6'3"-6'4" since my Freshman year in high school, and was bigger than all but a couple of people in the school. So, I wasn't tormented. But I was never an overtly social, getalong gang type of person. Never went to any of the big parties.

Who did you want to be just like?

Batman.

Quit Laughing.

You Shut the Fuck up and stop laughing!!!

What did you want to be when you grew up?

I wanted to write. That's all I knew. I managed to bullshit myself into thinking I could be a journalist.

Where did you think you’d be at the age you are now?

I don't even know. I can't say I thought I'd be where I am today. But even looking through my journals, I can't find any particular musings or speculations on where I'd be, now ten years later. I've always been a go with the flow type of feller.