Raw Thoughts?
Raw Thoughts?
Tonight's the first night in a while I've gotten to sit and do nothing in a while. What did I do with it? Something worthwhile? Read a book? Go out withe friends? Shit no.
I took notes on the laptop about watching Wrasslin'.
In an attempt to alienate every reader I have, I give them now to you:
-------
Kurt Angle starts off tonight's show. Angle is awesome. If you had to look at the past five years of the company, and name an MVP, it'd have to be Angle (that is, unless, Triple H has the same pull in the voting that he does in the locker room). I mean, the dude does it all.
Nature Boy Ric Flair interrupts Angle's promo. Can't tell if Flair's taken his retard pills tonight or not.
"I'm a mark," says Flair to Angle. I seem to be in good company.
It bugs me that the night after what is touted to have been Dave Batista's greatest match, and what are we opening the show with? Indirectly, we open the show talking about the guy who lost three times to the current champion. Now, I can't argue with building a show around Angle. But Batista's gotta be the man, now. Open the show with him. See if the show can stand on that.
Yeah. Flair stayed out of the retard pills, but he did drink a big old glass of crazy before he came out. He's channelling the Tasmanian Devil again. I think Angle flinched when Flair spit as he said "Testicles"
Speaking of testicles, I'd have given my left one to see Kurt Angle vs. the Ric Flair of 1985. Hell, the Ric Flair of 1995.
2005's Ric Flair? I'm having a hard time getting excited about that. Still, our mission tonight is to stay optimistic.
So, I've missed a couple of weeks. Is Coach announcing with J.R. and the King now?
------
Commercial Break:
You know, I like Owen Wilson. I like Vince Vaughn. I just don't think I'll like them in this Wedding Crashers movie they're gonna be in.
Watching a Mariachi Band die is supposed to make me buy Starburst Candy.
-------
And we're back:
Stupid stuff with Bischoff, Jericho, Christian and Tyson. It's called exposition, and I'd like as little as possible, gracias.
Tag Match.
Edge and Gene "I'm this generation's Sid" Snitsky vs. Kane and the newest Smackdown draftee.
Would they bring Undertaker over? It's so cheap.
Heidenreich is my second pick.
Gene Snitsky will be dead by the time he's 40. That's my prediction.
Biggest draft pick? Big Show. It's gotta be Big Show.
Yep. It's the Big Show.
-----
Commercial Break:
My personal record for making a tape measure stand up without it bending is 14 feet.
-----
I hate John Cena. I hate him so much. He's simply Smackdown's Randy Orton. Except, with Orton on Smackdown, Cena is now Raw's Randy Orton. Shoved down our throats because he has a good look, but marginal ring talent. At least Cena has a gimmick, and can talk on the mike.
The only thing I hate worse than John Cena is the idiot interviewer. It's like the teevee is trying to make me mad.
Okay. I just threw things.
Here's what happened. The interviewer gets flustered by the magnificence that is John Cena, forgets her question.
Cena sends her off to the side, to try to remember.
In the meantime, he reveals one of his partners in tonight's six-man tag match, Mr. Shawn Michaels.
Michaels gabs. Then, the vapid blonde comes back and asks her question.
"Have you found a partner?"
I threw things. You know, it would be one thing if we had wrestling bookers writing bullshit like that interview segment. But it's another thing entirely, because Frigging TeeVee Writers just Wrote that!!!!!! It's like the old golden and silver age comic writers, writing down to the kids. It's television writers who think the bulk of the wrestling audience is inbred, mallow-bar eating cretins who just eat that shit we just saw up.
And who knows? Maybe they're right. I'm finding myself in the minority more and more.
------
Commercial Break:
ECW Pay Per View on DVD tomorrow? Jeez that seems quick.
But I recommend you buy it. Even if you don't like wrestling. I think you should buy it. Just to have for conversation. Perhaps to use as a frisbee.
------
Chris Masters is still wasting my time. Would somebody please assassinate Chris Masters?
I think Tajiri could kill Chris Masters. Perhaps by thinking about it hard enough. I'm fairly sure most Japanese people can.
Tajiri is about to get jobbed, isn't he?
Why is the referee counting to disqualify Tajiri if this isn't a match? I thought it was just the MasterLock Challenge.
Fuck. Tajiri just did the job to Masters. What a bunch of shit. Somebody needs to assassinate Chris Masters.
It's even worse if he gets on the microphone. It's like having to eat rotting guts for dinner, and then finding those intestines are filled with crap, to boot.
-----
Commercial Break:
Pee time. I am not drinking enough water. It's important to stay hydrated. I grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge after I peed. Don't want my pee to be yellow like it just was. Nope. (I'm just typing to type, now, I think.)
------
I haven't watched a lot of Smackdown. I haven't really formed an opinion of Carlito Cool. It always seemed like a one trick pony, to me. But he seems to get good crowd reactions. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt.
And Carlito introduced Rob Van Dam.
Okay. As he wanders down to the ring, I say to myself: This could be interesting. He cut a helluva promo at the ECW PPV. Let's hope he's got some balls.
Rob Van Dam is the shit. I'm a huge RVD mark. Rob Van Dam could be a guy who could carry a brand on his shoulders. If they'd let him.
The return of "Mr. Monday Night."
Okay...Carlito just took out RvD's injured knee. I love the heels who take the cheap shots. I think I might like Carlito after all....
Wouldn't it have been awesome to have Sabu attack Carlito Cool after attacking Rob Van Dam? That would have been great. But it wasn't to be. Alas.
------
Commercial Break:
I got nothin'. In case you haven't guessed that at this point.
------
Okay. We got Angle vs. Flair. Like I said. The Flair of 1985, this would have been awesome. Here in 2005, Flair's still good.
I hope Jerry Lawler's right. I hope that Flair could hang with anybody, still, on any given night.
------
Commercial Break:
Okay. I just sat back and watched. An entertaining match, definitely. Go with the Flair being the dirtiest player in the game. Smart move. Plus, I'm a sucker for the Greco-Roman Thumb to the Eye.
Also, I find myself occasionally annoyed with commercial breaks mid-match. It's because there's stuff I'm missing. Even if it's a 3 minute rest hold, I like seeing the flow of the match in its entirety. But I'll trade a short match for the longer match, even if it means having a commercial break. I feel like you're cheating some of the performers, like Angle, or Flair, by trying to get them to shoehorn a match into an 8 minute window.
-------
We're back, to Flair and Angle....And we come back to a Flair/Angle rest hold. We didn't miss much, I'd say. So it's cool.
Every time I see Flair take a back drop, I wonder just how many of those he's taken in his career.
I'd heard the submission called the S.T.F. called that for years without ever wondering why it was called that. Joey Styles answered the unasked question for me, once upon a time. STF = Stepover Toehold-Facelock. Good to know. Jim Ross also said it tonight. But I knew. Because I'm a badass.
Flair tried going off the top rope. Once again, no go.
Don't Superplex Flair! He'll break apart like so much beef jerky!
Post-match thoughts.
Flair tapped to Angle. I had one of those weird fanboy moments where I found myself going with the whole make-believe momentum. I wanted Flair to win.
Can't argue with Angle winning.
That was a good match.
Dear Monday Night Raw: More of that, less of that Chris Masters mess.
-------
Commercials:
Now I dance
-------
I do not recap the diva search mess.
-------
Here's my deal with the diva search. If I want to watch half naked women, I will go to the internet, where there are fully naked women. I mean, that's what the internet's for, right? Naked women, baseball statistics and bitching about movies and pro wrestling on blogs, right?
Mystery partner in the upcoming six-man match has gotta be Batista, right? Who else hasn't been on the show? Benjamin's selling an injury, right? Triple H? Heh. Batista's the only one I can think of. And he's doing an interview talking about how much he hurts.
Jericho, Christian and Tomko are playing the guessing game, too.
Hogan? Hulk Hogan? Shit no. Fuck no. Please, please no no no no no......
--------
Commercial Break:
In which I dwell on the possibility that Hollywood Hulk Hogan will be the mystery partner in the six-man match. Hulk Hogan makes my brain hurt. I mean, his presence (and the insistence that he be the man, both from him and from the McMahons) helped drive the WWF into the shitter in the early 90's.
His presence helped ruin the NWA/WCW that I grew up watching.
The rumors/speculation that he would show up in NWA-TNA were part of the reason I lost interest in that promotion, even when I lived 30 miles away from it
--------
Okay. Hogan? Is it Hogan? We'll find out.
My respect for John Cena just went up a notch. Even if it's just my imagination, he had a look on his face that said "if Shawn calls out Marty Janetty after saying 'my favorite tag team partner,' I will shit in this ring and eat it...."
What if Shawn introduced Maven. Or Simon Dean?
Or Kamala the Ugandan Giant?
Gobbledygooker?
-------
Commercial Break.
Hmmmm...do I finish with Raw, or do I flip over at 11 to watch the Tick cartoon on Toon Disney? Decisions, decisions.
--------
Match Starts.
Jericho does the best Flair flip since Ric Flair.
Big props to Greg Valentine, who always had a nice stun flop, too.
Do you think they'd draft Christian over to Smackdown, and put him in that six-man match in Big Show's place later this week? Christian needs a spot near the top. Period. He's not gonna get it with the glut of big names over on Raw, right now.
Hearing Jerry Lawler shill for Hogan makes me sad for the King. The King was pretty much the last of the Regional superstars, the breed which was pretty much killed by Hogan and Vince McMahon. Seeing how homogenized it's all become, I wish the regional system was still with us.
You know, after 25 years, you think somebody would have a scouting report on Hogan that says "Watch his right hand when he's hot on a tag...."
Okay. So Hogan pins Tomko. Makes sense. He's the only one in the match with no face to lose.
And it's pretty harmless that he's here tonight. Does Raw have a PPV between now and Summerslam? I think they've got a couple of months to play with now. Tonight was a good time to pop the rating's a bit without stealing momentum from any stories.
Next week, you can get started in earnest with a good summer program, after Smackdown finishes its draft this week.
Who's gonna get drafted to Smackdown? My vote would go to Christian and Jericho. They need a couple of names over on Smackdown. Put one of those two in the big match for the new Smackdown Title.
Are they going to unify Cena's title with Batista's? Maybe at Summerslam?
Anyway. This has been my live-blogging of Raw. Shows that I don't have enough to do with my time, I think.
Y'all take it easy....
Tonight's the first night in a while I've gotten to sit and do nothing in a while. What did I do with it? Something worthwhile? Read a book? Go out withe friends? Shit no.
I took notes on the laptop about watching Wrasslin'.
In an attempt to alienate every reader I have, I give them now to you:
-------
Kurt Angle starts off tonight's show. Angle is awesome. If you had to look at the past five years of the company, and name an MVP, it'd have to be Angle (that is, unless, Triple H has the same pull in the voting that he does in the locker room). I mean, the dude does it all.
Nature Boy Ric Flair interrupts Angle's promo. Can't tell if Flair's taken his retard pills tonight or not.
"I'm a mark," says Flair to Angle. I seem to be in good company.
It bugs me that the night after what is touted to have been Dave Batista's greatest match, and what are we opening the show with? Indirectly, we open the show talking about the guy who lost three times to the current champion. Now, I can't argue with building a show around Angle. But Batista's gotta be the man, now. Open the show with him. See if the show can stand on that.
Yeah. Flair stayed out of the retard pills, but he did drink a big old glass of crazy before he came out. He's channelling the Tasmanian Devil again. I think Angle flinched when Flair spit as he said "Testicles"
Speaking of testicles, I'd have given my left one to see Kurt Angle vs. the Ric Flair of 1985. Hell, the Ric Flair of 1995.
2005's Ric Flair? I'm having a hard time getting excited about that. Still, our mission tonight is to stay optimistic.
So, I've missed a couple of weeks. Is Coach announcing with J.R. and the King now?
------
Commercial Break:
You know, I like Owen Wilson. I like Vince Vaughn. I just don't think I'll like them in this Wedding Crashers movie they're gonna be in.
Watching a Mariachi Band die is supposed to make me buy Starburst Candy.
-------
And we're back:
Stupid stuff with Bischoff, Jericho, Christian and Tyson. It's called exposition, and I'd like as little as possible, gracias.
Tag Match.
Edge and Gene "I'm this generation's Sid" Snitsky vs. Kane and the newest Smackdown draftee.
Would they bring Undertaker over? It's so cheap.
Heidenreich is my second pick.
Gene Snitsky will be dead by the time he's 40. That's my prediction.
Biggest draft pick? Big Show. It's gotta be Big Show.
Yep. It's the Big Show.
-----
Commercial Break:
My personal record for making a tape measure stand up without it bending is 14 feet.
-----
I hate John Cena. I hate him so much. He's simply Smackdown's Randy Orton. Except, with Orton on Smackdown, Cena is now Raw's Randy Orton. Shoved down our throats because he has a good look, but marginal ring talent. At least Cena has a gimmick, and can talk on the mike.
The only thing I hate worse than John Cena is the idiot interviewer. It's like the teevee is trying to make me mad.
Okay. I just threw things.
Here's what happened. The interviewer gets flustered by the magnificence that is John Cena, forgets her question.
Cena sends her off to the side, to try to remember.
In the meantime, he reveals one of his partners in tonight's six-man tag match, Mr. Shawn Michaels.
Michaels gabs. Then, the vapid blonde comes back and asks her question.
"Have you found a partner?"
I threw things. You know, it would be one thing if we had wrestling bookers writing bullshit like that interview segment. But it's another thing entirely, because Frigging TeeVee Writers just Wrote that!!!!!! It's like the old golden and silver age comic writers, writing down to the kids. It's television writers who think the bulk of the wrestling audience is inbred, mallow-bar eating cretins who just eat that shit we just saw up.
And who knows? Maybe they're right. I'm finding myself in the minority more and more.
------
Commercial Break:
ECW Pay Per View on DVD tomorrow? Jeez that seems quick.
But I recommend you buy it. Even if you don't like wrestling. I think you should buy it. Just to have for conversation. Perhaps to use as a frisbee.
------
Chris Masters is still wasting my time. Would somebody please assassinate Chris Masters?
I think Tajiri could kill Chris Masters. Perhaps by thinking about it hard enough. I'm fairly sure most Japanese people can.
Tajiri is about to get jobbed, isn't he?
Why is the referee counting to disqualify Tajiri if this isn't a match? I thought it was just the MasterLock Challenge.
Fuck. Tajiri just did the job to Masters. What a bunch of shit. Somebody needs to assassinate Chris Masters.
It's even worse if he gets on the microphone. It's like having to eat rotting guts for dinner, and then finding those intestines are filled with crap, to boot.
-----
Commercial Break:
Pee time. I am not drinking enough water. It's important to stay hydrated. I grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge after I peed. Don't want my pee to be yellow like it just was. Nope. (I'm just typing to type, now, I think.)
------
I haven't watched a lot of Smackdown. I haven't really formed an opinion of Carlito Cool. It always seemed like a one trick pony, to me. But he seems to get good crowd reactions. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt.
And Carlito introduced Rob Van Dam.
Okay. As he wanders down to the ring, I say to myself: This could be interesting. He cut a helluva promo at the ECW PPV. Let's hope he's got some balls.
Rob Van Dam is the shit. I'm a huge RVD mark. Rob Van Dam could be a guy who could carry a brand on his shoulders. If they'd let him.
The return of "Mr. Monday Night."
Okay...Carlito just took out RvD's injured knee. I love the heels who take the cheap shots. I think I might like Carlito after all....
Wouldn't it have been awesome to have Sabu attack Carlito Cool after attacking Rob Van Dam? That would have been great. But it wasn't to be. Alas.
------
Commercial Break:
I got nothin'. In case you haven't guessed that at this point.
------
Okay. We got Angle vs. Flair. Like I said. The Flair of 1985, this would have been awesome. Here in 2005, Flair's still good.
I hope Jerry Lawler's right. I hope that Flair could hang with anybody, still, on any given night.
------
Commercial Break:
Okay. I just sat back and watched. An entertaining match, definitely. Go with the Flair being the dirtiest player in the game. Smart move. Plus, I'm a sucker for the Greco-Roman Thumb to the Eye.
Also, I find myself occasionally annoyed with commercial breaks mid-match. It's because there's stuff I'm missing. Even if it's a 3 minute rest hold, I like seeing the flow of the match in its entirety. But I'll trade a short match for the longer match, even if it means having a commercial break. I feel like you're cheating some of the performers, like Angle, or Flair, by trying to get them to shoehorn a match into an 8 minute window.
-------
We're back, to Flair and Angle....And we come back to a Flair/Angle rest hold. We didn't miss much, I'd say. So it's cool.
Every time I see Flair take a back drop, I wonder just how many of those he's taken in his career.
I'd heard the submission called the S.T.F. called that for years without ever wondering why it was called that. Joey Styles answered the unasked question for me, once upon a time. STF = Stepover Toehold-Facelock. Good to know. Jim Ross also said it tonight. But I knew. Because I'm a badass.
Flair tried going off the top rope. Once again, no go.
Don't Superplex Flair! He'll break apart like so much beef jerky!
Post-match thoughts.
Flair tapped to Angle. I had one of those weird fanboy moments where I found myself going with the whole make-believe momentum. I wanted Flair to win.
Can't argue with Angle winning.
That was a good match.
Dear Monday Night Raw: More of that, less of that Chris Masters mess.
-------
Commercials:
Now I dance
-------
I do not recap the diva search mess.
-------
Here's my deal with the diva search. If I want to watch half naked women, I will go to the internet, where there are fully naked women. I mean, that's what the internet's for, right? Naked women, baseball statistics and bitching about movies and pro wrestling on blogs, right?
Mystery partner in the upcoming six-man match has gotta be Batista, right? Who else hasn't been on the show? Benjamin's selling an injury, right? Triple H? Heh. Batista's the only one I can think of. And he's doing an interview talking about how much he hurts.
Jericho, Christian and Tomko are playing the guessing game, too.
Hogan? Hulk Hogan? Shit no. Fuck no. Please, please no no no no no......
--------
Commercial Break:
In which I dwell on the possibility that Hollywood Hulk Hogan will be the mystery partner in the six-man match. Hulk Hogan makes my brain hurt. I mean, his presence (and the insistence that he be the man, both from him and from the McMahons) helped drive the WWF into the shitter in the early 90's.
His presence helped ruin the NWA/WCW that I grew up watching.
The rumors/speculation that he would show up in NWA-TNA were part of the reason I lost interest in that promotion, even when I lived 30 miles away from it
--------
Okay. Hogan? Is it Hogan? We'll find out.
My respect for John Cena just went up a notch. Even if it's just my imagination, he had a look on his face that said "if Shawn calls out Marty Janetty after saying 'my favorite tag team partner,' I will shit in this ring and eat it...."
What if Shawn introduced Maven. Or Simon Dean?
Or Kamala the Ugandan Giant?
Gobbledygooker?
-------
Commercial Break.
Hmmmm...do I finish with Raw, or do I flip over at 11 to watch the Tick cartoon on Toon Disney? Decisions, decisions.
--------
Match Starts.
Jericho does the best Flair flip since Ric Flair.
Big props to Greg Valentine, who always had a nice stun flop, too.
Do you think they'd draft Christian over to Smackdown, and put him in that six-man match in Big Show's place later this week? Christian needs a spot near the top. Period. He's not gonna get it with the glut of big names over on Raw, right now.
Hearing Jerry Lawler shill for Hogan makes me sad for the King. The King was pretty much the last of the Regional superstars, the breed which was pretty much killed by Hogan and Vince McMahon. Seeing how homogenized it's all become, I wish the regional system was still with us.
You know, after 25 years, you think somebody would have a scouting report on Hogan that says "Watch his right hand when he's hot on a tag...."
Okay. So Hogan pins Tomko. Makes sense. He's the only one in the match with no face to lose.
And it's pretty harmless that he's here tonight. Does Raw have a PPV between now and Summerslam? I think they've got a couple of months to play with now. Tonight was a good time to pop the rating's a bit without stealing momentum from any stories.
Next week, you can get started in earnest with a good summer program, after Smackdown finishes its draft this week.
Who's gonna get drafted to Smackdown? My vote would go to Christian and Jericho. They need a couple of names over on Smackdown. Put one of those two in the big match for the new Smackdown Title.
Are they going to unify Cena's title with Batista's? Maybe at Summerslam?
Anyway. This has been my live-blogging of Raw. Shows that I don't have enough to do with my time, I think.
Y'all take it easy....
posted by Tommy at
23:20
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