Waffle House

Waffle House

Just a little reading today on Waffle House.

Waffle House is a big thing in this neck of the woods. Some places, you can't sling a dead cat without hitting a Waffle House. Sometimes you marvel at their ubiquitous nature. I can remember a trip from Florida where I made a small game out of counting just how many Waffle Houses I passed from Florida to Tennessee (I don't remember how many Waffle Houses there were, or even how one won such a game counting them, but rest assured: I kicked ass).

How serious are we about Waffle House? Out in Murfreesboro, at two the interstate exits, you could find a Waffle House on either side of the interstate.

This is only barely here or there, but once upon a time, my buddy Joe spent a summer in Nashville. I don't remember if it was in his directions, or simply it became a landmark I would use when heading that way, but the directions to his house included: Turn right when you see the Waffle House.

I've eaten at a goodly number of Waffle House locations. During the daytime, it's not generally my first choice. But if you work odd hours, or are a slacker and/or vampire who's just up at 3 in the morning, Waffle House is a wonderful, white trashy haven.

I'm a big fan of the coffee. Waffle House coffee is terribly underrated. They do good work on the coffee. Also, I have a suspicion that their coffee somehow has more caffiene than some other blends. That, or they're just mixing speed in with the brew.

As for the food? Well, it's edible. I'm not going to blow smoke up anybody's rear end to say it's the food of the gods. But it's tasty at 3 AM, especially after a good drunk.

It also helps that I'm a big fan of the burger for breakfast. You can get a burger at any time of the day there.

Last bit of personal trivia: I like my hash browns scattered, smothered and diced.

Found this article on Fark this morning, written on the event of the chain's fiftieth birthday.

What caught my eye? That little stat that 2% of all eggs produced in this country being consumed at the Waffle House.

Jeebus! Do you know how many eggs are produced in this country?

Seriously? Do you know?

Me neither.

Let's say, A bajillion!

A bajillion eggs.

I don't know what 2% of a bajillion is, however. But I'm sure it's very impressive. Very impressive.

Other facts about Waffle House that aren't included in the article:

Jimmy Carter proposed to Rosalyn at a Waffle House in Marietta, Georgia.

Everybody knows the different variations of the hash browns (scattered, smothered, covered, chunked, topped and diced), right? There are a couple of variations not on the menu...but both are simply variations on an intense beating (one with brass knuckles, one with a pipe wrench), so I don't recommend either of them.

All Waffle Houses are grown from seeds developed by botanists and food technologists from Georgia Tech, with a healthy dose of magic.

The Waffle in Waffle House does not mean you can change your mind over and over concerning your menu choice. The Wait staff is allowed to brain you if you change your mind too much.

The most durable substance known to man is the material Waffle House uses to make their counters. If you should be caught in a nuclear blast, you can protect yourself with armor fashioned out of Waffle House counters. You will probably gain superpowers from the exposure.

The Tennessee Titans football team have a Waffle House right on grounds at their team training facility. Coach Jeff Fisher says, "It's the only place I feel welcome to eat, what with my tendency toward mullets."

Didn't know that, huh?

It's getting late, and my stories are coming on the teevee.

I'll close with this, something my buddy Bill did concerning his experience with Waffle House. It still makes me laugh...