Just a thought

Just a thought

I wonder how many auto accidents are caused a year when a bee/wasp/hornet/other stinging nasty flies into a car. I've never actually wrecked, but I can think of a couple occasions in my time where it quickly entered into the realm of possibility. I've done a post about being in the drive-thru line at the McDonald's, but there wasn't much a possibility of dying a flaming, screaming death sitting in the drive-thru line (unless you count that as one of the possible outcomes of eating McDonald's food).

When you get down to it, I'm a big advocate of driving with your full attention on the road. I'm completely against little things like cell-phone use, eating a whole barbecued chicken or changing a CD while driving. So you can imagine how I feel about driving with one (or multiple) stinging insects buzzing about your head.

Simply stated, it's nigh impossible to drive with a buzzing harbinger of searing pain bouncing himself into a frenzied state of madness against your back window, measured scant inches from your eyes, mouth and testicles.

Not that I drive with my testicles exposed. Much. The increased probability of being stung there is actually a big reason why I wear pants at all, but especially when driving.

Now that I think about it, the only thing that comes to mind as "worse than suddenly finding a bee in your car" would be "finding a snake in your car."

You know that time in Raiders of the Lost Ark when Indiana Jones is scared by the snake in the plane? It would be a lot like that, except I'm generally not directed by Spielberg, and no part of my life has ever been documented in a movie that's landed on the IMDB's top 250. Yet.

I think that if I were driving down the road, and I looked down and I saw a snake writing on the floorboard of my truck, that would be impetus enough to abandon ship. It wouldn't matter if I were acting as chauffeur for Betty White in the middle of the Daytona 500, you'd see my big ass suddenly fly out of the driver's side door, and go rolling along the road--which would suck, especially in a restrictor plate race.

And if that happened, Tony Stewart would probably run me over, and laugh while he's doing it.

Anyway. How many accidents a year do you think are caused by stinging insects flying into a car? One? Thirteen? A Billion Bajillion?

I'd bet on thirteen, but my Amish heritage prevents my gambling on matters of death and automotive destruction.

I need to point out that Professor Eric's post here was the seed for this tree of thought. Go blame him.

Edit: Look at this shit!!! I would say that a ribcage crushing snake is measurably more frightening and distracting than a wasp.

Also, let me say that I think a good rule of thumb for boa constrictors is "No Rides in Cars." No matter how much he whines and begs, no matter how much he looks at you with those big, sad boa constrictor eyes, no matter how much he sits on your feet and wags his little boa constrictor tail, you tell him No! No Rides for Boa Constrictors. Even when he makes a move to get into the car, you tell him No in a firm voice, and perhaps swat him with a newspaper. No rides for boa constrictors.