Saturday, April 05, 2008



This is the worst snack ever.


The picture is blurry, and I apologize, because I am maybe the worst photographer ever. However, it does nothing to lessen the impact of what a horrible, perversion of a wonderful food this is.

During a trip to the World Market for interesting beers, I ran across this on the candy aisle. Being a fan of the licorice, the idea of a tasty snack with decreased potential for tooth rottage was something exciting.


They look like gummy bears. Only made of licorice. Not a bad proposition at all, I thought.

They smelled fine.

But that was where the goodness ended.

I can't describe the taste well, although it's like the mixed Mr. Clean and the sawdusty dry-em stuff they put on vomit in grade school


I managed to down 4.




They are from Holland. Which, to me, is reason enough to wipe that heaven forsaken country off the face of the Earth, for having such a perversion enter into the mart of international commerce. Honestly, as if it weren't obnoxious enough to throw your two names for your country, you have to foist this pseudo licorice upon the rest of western civilization?

If I were King of the World, I'd revoke your first world status.

How's that, Amsterdam? Destroy an infrastructure, break down a couple of dikes. Maybe throw a little ebola into the mix. You'd have Bono and John Mayer singing songs for you on Labor Day in no time.

Don't mess with my licorice.

Even more disconcerting was this: I cannot photograph it, because I suck. But written on the lid of this disgusting treat are these words: "Excessive Consumption May Produce a Laxative Effect."

I hope that I am in no danger of such side-effects. However, "excessive" is a relative term. I ate four. And given the horrible taste, I would daresay Four is excessive.

Wouldn't that be just the day? I eat four of a horrible piece-of-shit candy, shun the rest, and still get the hershey squirts for my trouble.

Probably be a good thing I'm just some dude on a computer watching "Meet the Robinsons" in East Tennessee, and not President of the U.S....otherwise, there might be a smoking crater where the Red Light District once was.


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