Saturday, October 31, 2009

Testicle Bedpost

Testicle Bedpost

Went searching for a link I'd put up, once upon a time. Ended up making myself was a day that my water went out....

And it reminded me to try and find some more cashew butter. That stuff was the shit...

Someday, we'll all laugh. But right now, I'm gonna hurt somebody...

Tonight, I sit here, trying to figure out whether I believe in Karma, or not.

I won't lie to you, my hordes of Big Stupid Tommyniacs, it's been a rough few days. Grocery Inventory; No sleep; Everybody in the world calling in; Cubs losing the playoffs, again; seeing a person who still makes my heart jump into my throat though we haven't spoken in months; a two-day case of the runs; having to own up to a Georgia bet (I gave points, even...lots of points); et cetera, et cetera.

This morning, I wake up, and there's no water.


I turn on the faucet, and it makes a sound kinda like the tripods in the Tom Cruise vs. the Martians flick (which I kinda like, in spite of myself).

So, your old pal Tommy calls to find out what the heck is up, can't get anybody on the phone, and proceeds to wash his face, armpits and private areas with bottles of Dannon Spring Water, cussing anything he can think of, all the while, asking himself but one question:


Damn. It's bad enough that I gotta wash 16.9 refreshing ounces at a time, but I also gotta spend 10 minutes before I put the shirt and tie on to get my testicles to pop back out of my torso (for the record, falling gut-first on a bed post seems to do the trick).


I'm thinking this might all come from having done a post on the Cubs.

I mean, they're no longer around to jinx, so the jinx has to fall back on me.

It's the only logical thing I can find, as for why all these little, piddly, irritating things keep happing.

The only logical reason.

In truth, I deal better with the big stuff. Though I'm knocking like hell on wood that cancer or a car wreck don't pop into my life having just said that.

Jeez, I'm a superstitious sumbitch when left to my own devices.

Truth be told, in spite of all the little irritations, it's been an otherwise good day. Work went easily enough, I actually wrote something, for the first time in forever and a day. And I found Cashew Butter here in town!

Cashew Butter!

Like Peanut Butter, only with Cashews!

And Quince Jelly.

I don't know what that tastes like. I've heard of Quince, and Quince Jelly. But I've never had it.

Today, I will.

Soon, we will found out if Quince Jelly can overcome a Day Without Water....

(The water is fixed. Thankfully. Though just in case, before I left work, I bought a gallon container....)


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