A letter from my rear end

Hey dude:

I know you like the crushed red pepper, and all that.

I don't. At all.

I can't see all that well. Did you just open up the canister and dump the contents on your pizza? Also, are you sure it wasn't laced with Drano, or Battery Acid?

Or was this some manner of punishment for that sneezing incident at Thanksgiving dinner? We all have an off day. There could be more in the future. Just saying.

Barring those circumstances, I'm unsure there's a happy medium we can reach concerning appropriate allocation of said spice. As such, I'd like to recommend a complete dismissal of this product from your diet, until such time that we can find a way to line the walls with asbestos or perhaps some other non-osmotic coating.

Thanks for your consideration,

Your butthole.