3 Questions: Joebo

3 Questions: Joebo

My old pal, baseball buddy and constant tormentor asks:

1. What are your four favorite bathroom moments of all time?

Number 4: I was going to the bathroom at an Atlanta Hawks game, my only Atlanta Hawks game, going to find the bathroom, actually. We were sitting in my Dad's company's luxury box seats. I left the box because somebody was already in the box bathroom. I'm wandering looking, and I pass a guy who looks vaguely familiar. That guy? Was baseball player Brian Jordan.

Number 3: I had an astronomy class to fill a science elective in college. Before class, the Taco Bell I'd eaten the night before hit me by announcing "the water slide is open." Went to the toilet, where I passed wind loudly before going. I heard somebody giggling about it in another stall, which kinda made me laugh, too. When I finished what I was doing, I'm washing my hands, and who comes out of the other stall? My Astronomy Professor. One of these supersmart, set the world on fire smart guys, and he's in there giggling at my flatulence.

Number 2: I have never had to pee as badly as I did before the first game of the Braves/Cubs Divisional Series in Atlanta in 2003. We'd stopped to get something to eat at a Subway about an hour above Atlanta, and tried to pee there, but somebody got in the bathroom before I did, and stayed for like 15 minutes. I decided to hold it. Well, there was traffic. And then we had to park about a half-mile from the stadium. I sloshed the whole way to the stadium. And I just made it to the toilet. Favorite memory for the unbelievable relief afterward.

Number 1: The kids who got good grades and/or were part of the gifted program got to go on Summer Enrichment trips with my elementary school. We'd go places like Colonial Williamsburg, or down into Georgia to see places like Andersonville. We were on one of these trips, and one of the kids I was sharing a room with was in the toilet when the hotel fire alarm went off. I was empathetic, because the same thing had happened to me, but it quickly became terribly funny when Matt started crying, literally bawling, because "I'm not done, man! I'm not done!"

2. Why can't I find a good copy of the monkey washing the cat video?

Excellent question. I'm sure there's one out there. How much are you willing to pay? Does it matter if it's part of a compilation or not? I'm thinking the generational thing may have something to do with it. I mean, I can remember seeing the tape way before we got digital, and I'd say it's been shown several thousand times, and copied, and copies have been made of copies. Generational decay, and whatnot.

I'm sure there's still a good copy somewhere, that somebody's taken the time to clean up.

Be patient. I know how much you like that video.

3. Remember the time the Marlins played the Cubs in the NLCS?

My future brother-in-law has it in his head that I blame Steve Bartman for the Cubs losing the series. Even though I don't, and never really have.

He likes to blame the error made on the next play (although, I'd like to point out that if Alou had made the play, there'd have been a couple of outs and there'd have been no reason for the play at short to be rushed trying for a double play, which is what caused the error, in my mind). Most Cubs fans have moved on, I'd say, and blamed Dusty for leaving Prior in.

Also, Joe? Shut up.